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| - One major thing I dislike about living in Surprise is the lack of unique and interesting restaurants to eat at, not to mention the lack luster nightlife. Everything in Surprise is about chain restaurants where every building and every dining area pretty much looks the same. Even the food is the same because it all comes from the same distributors. No wonder why the menus all look the same wherever you go. I don't know how many times we have been served by the same server despite being at different restaurants because apparently they have multiple jobs at multiple restaurants. You can't even get a different server in Surprise! But that is what you get when you live in a town run by senior citizens. That being said, Portofino Ristorante West is a break away from the typical chain restaurants in Surprise; however I write this with a lengthy clarification. The restaurant itself is located in a rundown shopping center adjacent to a Peter Piper Pizza. You know the restaurant. You know the clientele. You've been warned. This in and of itself does not make Portofino very attractive from the outside. However once you get past the fist fight occurring in the parking lot and the woman vomiting in the garbage can by the front door, it's not that bad. When you enter the restaurant, you are often greeted by an elderly lady wearing a fancy sequence gown. When this happens please resist the urge to run away. Don't panic, you are in the right place and yes you will be able to afford the food at this restaurant. She dresses this way only to shame those who come dressed in camouflage pants, Metallica t-shirt, and flip flops. Even though I was wearing my nice Metallica shirt, I still felt a little uncomfortable standing next to her in that dress. Honestly, I appreciate her efforts to jazz the place up a little. I realize that she is trying to promote a classy upscale image for the restaurant and its guests. Moving into the dining area she may take your arm; however this is not too lead the way, it's because she literally needs help walking because she is in such pain from the fancy shoes she is wearing. Poor thing. As you enter into the dining area you will pass by a guitar/singer who looks and sings a lot like Burt Bacharach. Look him up...I didn't know who he was either. It is at this same time you will suddenly feel very, very young as the average age of the clientele here is about 91 years old. It's funny, my wife and I laughed at some of the comments people posted about this place and we absolutely concur! Most of the clientele here were passengers on the Mayflower and if you are under the age of 60 you probably will not feel very welcome here at first. My wife and I have visited this place several times and every time we walk into this place we feel the cold hard stare of disproval because of our youth...and we're in our forties! If you come with kids it's even worse. Just put on a big smile to show them that you mean no harm and move towards your table in a slow and deliberate manner. As long as you don't make any sudden movements you will be fine. Note: if you under the age of 60 they may try and seat you in the back of the restaurant, but don't, request a table up front like a real human being. Besides, the Burt Bacharach guy is kind of good. You don't want to miss his axe work. Don't worry folks, once you are seated the music will start up again, the chatter will return to peak level, and soon all the patrons will forget that you are there. The décor in this place is a mess with a hodgepodge mismatching framed pictures, furniture, and knickknacks. It feels more like grandma's house than it does an Italian restaurant and if you are like me, eating at grandma's house always comes with some hesitancy. In many ways, it is like stepping back into the 80's except that I am still bald and my knees still hurt. And again, if you are anything like me, you will quickly realize that the carpet in this place is most likely the same carpet from the 80's which will pretty much occupy your thoughts for the remainder of your time at this restaurant. I accidentally dropped my clean napkin on the floor once and was afraid to pick up due to the uncleanliness of the carpet. The waitress passing by tried to pick it for me and I screamed "FOR GOD'S SAKES WOMAN DON'T TOUCH IT! Leave it there." Needless to say, this place is in dire need of some redecorating and perhaps some cleaning. Now on to the menu...the menu offers a wide variety of Italian and French style cuisines in which everything that I have tried has been excellent. The prices are very reasonable and the staff is very friendly. Overall, Portofino offers quality food, but unfortunately not much else. The guitar/singer is a nice touch, but then again I am somewhat of an old soul and enjoy music from generations before me. Before you leave, try their deserts, they are excellent and don't forget to step over the puke on your way out.
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