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| - Hi, welcome to Rockne's, how about some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas? Hell no. That's kinda what I expected when we walked into this place. I couldn't tell you the last time I visited a Rockne's. Actually, before this visit I'm not sure I ever set foot in one. Having lived out of the state for the last 5 years my memory's a tad shoddy. Anyway, back to my story.
The wife and I were on the roam for some grub. It was Thursday, we were lazy and Rockne's was just down the road. Why not? How bad can they be? With low expectations we walked in, the place was basically empty. Short meet and greet and the walk to the table was underway. A right, another right, and left. We were seated in one of the raised levels toward the back by one of the wait stations and near the fireplace. Yeah, a fireplace. I'm just as surprised as you. The atmosphere is definitely chain-esque. The palate green, red and yellow and slightly sticky. I really dug the old-time photos on the walls - my favorite was a shot of Henry Ford, Thomas Edison and Harvey Firestone sitting on a stoop together.
Our server was quick on the uptake, sort of friendly and even-keeled in a comforting Cleveland kind of way. Her young face scarred prematurely by the age lines of the service industry she painfully forced a smile. How about a beer? I see they've got Great Lakes on tap. I'll take a Dortmunder. Sure thing. Five minute wait followed by, "I'm sorry sir (ouch, sir. Make me feel even older, why dontcha) we are out of Dortmunder." Fine, I'll go with the Eliot Ness. A fine amber ale if there ever was one.
The menu at Rockne's reads like a who's who of artery clogging, mega portioned, Honey Boo Boo Americana. No, I wasn't staring at the rather rotund woman at the other table, her face buried in her pile of fries. Giant salads, dozens of sandwiches, bacon cheddar fries, mushroom and brie bisque, a monstrosity of a Big Mac-inspired burger called Max the Knife that features a pound of beef in four patties, cheese, shredded lettuce, pickles, onions and Rockne's own special sauce - held together with a giant knife buried hilt deep in he center. It's disturbing in its excess yet somehow delightful. On with the show.
White Chicken Chili - This was a perfect dish for a cold January evening. Thick chili packed with beans and cheese and a nice level of heat. It came served with a side of tri-colored tortilla chips and a small cornbread cake.
Garden Salad - The wife opted for this along with her chili. A nice-sized portion of iceberg lettuce, chopped tomatoes, a halved hardboiled egg, a couple olives, julienned carrots, shredded cheddar and plenty of buttery, crispy giant croutons. The honey mustard dressing, served in two small cups, was some of the thickest I've ever seen. A healthy salad? Sort of. Not a bad salad. Everything appeared and tasted fresh.
Spicy Bacon Cheddar Fried Chicken Sandwich - I went all in. This sandwich was massive. Two full-sized fried chicken breasts served on a buttery kaiser roll topped with mayo, shredded lettuce, sliced tomato and several crispy strips of bacon. The famous Rockne's knife plunged deep down the center. The chicken was crispy, juicy and tender and just the right amount of spicy. Where the hell did this beauty come from?
Mini Desserts - More places should do this. A selection of "just enough" sized desserts. Served in small cocktail glasses we went with the a chocolate cookie crunch and red velvet. I thought the cookie mousse was tasty and smooth and the red velvet was decent (I didn't get the grapes that came with it though). Mostly whipped cream but a nice finish.
As I said before we started this whole thing, my expectations were low. I didn't think it would be much better than Applebe's or Fridays. It was. Sure, Rockne's is doing their part to contribute to the obesity epidemic. Sure, it's a chain with plenty of kitsch and stereotypes. But I was pleasantly surprised by the experience. The food was tasty, the service fast and friendly, and the restaurant pretty clean. Maybe it was my lowered expectations, maybe it was the growling stomach to which I must answer. Whatever, it was just pretty damn good.
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