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| - Rex needs to put a disclaimer on this review...I am fresh out of forced temporary housing...which explains why Rex hasn't written in a while. The circumstances are really quite simple. Rex believes that what a man does in someone else's dumpster is his own business. Picture this...Rex goes to his favorite "single wide" (dumpster to the uninformed) and finds...and you won't believe this...trash in it. Philistines! So Rex removed it. He sits down with a can of happy juice (ammonia, gasoline (leaded), two moth balls, three mentos, a tic tac and 6 toe nail clippings that have been buried in the desert for 2 weeks) and a 3 year old copy of "Giant White Butts"...like most men do on a Thursday...Tuesday...some night. Whatever. Well, suddenly after half a bottle of happy juice rex saw 3 blue men. They yelled. They grabbed at Rex. Next...what happens...is not totally clear...but ALLEDGEDLY...a naked Rex (a beautiful sight)...holding a top hat and stapler jumped out past the blue men and ran down the street straight into a wall. The wall stopped Rex's run. Rex awoke to a single padded room against his will.
The first thing Rex needs outside of lock up is food. After a ride from 4 kids out on a joy ride Rex found himself in front of Smashburger. This was not the first time Rex has sauntered...sashayed...glided into Smashburger. Rex will tell you the first time he went, the second time and the third time he was underwhelmed. Decent food, expensive food, not Rex's idea of a value.
Today was Rex's fourth time. Was it different? Did he like it? Was he allowed to leave after screaming "This is the kind of place that the Nazi's would have opened if they won the war!"? The answer to all of these is...no. Not at all.
Where to begin...wherever to begin? The first thing Rex tried was the namesake of his town. The Sin City Burger. A good burger, and honestly, the best burger on their menu...when done right. They put a fried egg on top and if the fried egg is cooked too hard and the yolk doesn't come out...the burger isn't the same. Two burgers. Two different cooked eggs. The yolk makes a bit of a sauce, and much needed sauce. The Spicy Baja is just not spicy. Sorry. Rex understands the underdeveloped palate, and my favorite HO Third Eye Sally has half a tongue and isn't medically allowed to eat spicy food because of medical conditions...didn't find it spicy. The Mushroom Swiss burger has mayo on it when a better sauce would really make the burger. Chicken sandwich you ask? They have them. They are hit and miss. The Buffalo, miss...because the sauce isn't good. The BBQ ranch, miss...because BBQ isn't good. The Avocado Club, hit.
What about the fries? The hallmark of any good burger joint...well...hit and miss again. Just like when Rex is asked to hit her belly...(but Rex misses on purpose). Two times Rex went he got the regular fries. Two times the Smashfries. The Smashfries the first time were great. The second time the rosemary and garlic seemed liked it was burned. It has a bitter taste. The regular fries were just that, regular. Third Eye let me have some of her Chili Cheese Fries and they are pretty good. The best of the bunch.
The bottom line is that this not a great burger place because the quality control isn't good. This is the type of food that needs to be done right. Sadly, it isn't. Somehow in the 200+ times Rex has eaten at In And Out he has never had a bad meal. One 1 out of 4 times did Rex have a good meal at Smashburger. Oh, and if you complain...no one cares. Just like when you complain to Rex. Only difference is you complain to a person at Smashburger...you complain to the memories of Rex. Rex never sees your tears...only your sister naked.
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