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| - I understand the gimmick of this restaurant and also know to factor that into thinking about the experience and the food I'm going to have or had. The "waitnurses," as I'd like to coin this term, are very friendly, save the one I accidentally caught scratching the middle pocket of her apron around the area near what some would call "wonderland." Oh, of course she happened to be the one to serve us.
My brother, my love and I went in, were draped in their clean bib-acting robes. As we passed by a wheelchair for an obese person, I wondered to myself if anybody actually sat in that chair before and fit the chair. I was expecting a fun evening, especially for my brother, who just turned 21 and was in town for New Year's weekend.
Previously, I had stopped by once before to get their chocolate shake. The hostess ordered it for me, and curiosity got the best of me, so I had to ask how many calories the chocolate shake was. I was thinking maybe 1000 would be a little bit close to my expectation of unhealthy, but it was double that amount! 2000 whopping calories for what Ryan H. described as an East Coast frozen custard - I took it to go and shared it with my love and together,we were both able to have half of it. We couldn't do the rest. They advertise that it's pure creme. I don't mind killing myself for good food, but I would say this was a tad bit better than mediocre.
To the dinner... we had the
Triple Bypass: our waitnurse (the one who scratched her area) wouldn't let us split at first, and we told her that we had already eaten and were just passing by and wanted to try them, so she allowed us to split it ourselves. Grilled onions must have been on the sideline of the grill for a while, because they sure were out of practice and didn't do their part. They were lukewarm and had no flavor, not even anything savory. The bacon somewhat tried to attack us, but they needed more of a defense because again they were benching players. Bacon strips were also lukewarm. The meat was not a seasoned player, didn't know how to attack us and the sliced tomatoes were not signed on this season, so they were a no-go either. The only thing that attacked us horribly were the calories. The Quadruple Bypass is 8000 calories according to our waitnurse, and we had the Triple, so minus maybe 1500 calories brings us to about 6500 calories split between the three of us. Well, I didn't do bread, so it's a little more for the guys.
We also ordered 3 Cokes and the
Vanilla Shake: this was yummier than the chocolate shake, but it definitely did taste like butter, but not like a butter popcorn jelly belly as someone else mentioned in their review. I would like to add that for the amount of calories it had, it should taste great, but it wasn't really up to par with its 2000 average daily value calories. My brother really enjoyed the shake. I enjoyed it also, but perhaps because the burger was so disappointing. Le sigh...
As we were waiting for our fries to get to us, we saw a doctor-costumed bartender dancing with a waitnurse who was kind of DJing and counting the minutes to New Year's. They were having fun dancing, and yes, there were dim TVs if you were sitting right next to them, but if you were far enough away, you were able to see music videos from the 80's paired next to videos of a doctor using his stethoscope to pat the burger meat down onto the grill.
Lard-fried Fries: I had a total of about three fries from the basket of fries. No, I'm not obsessively counting calories and at this point it wouldn't even matter. However, I was very disappointed that the texture of the fries weren't identifiable. I could say what it wasn't. It wasn't crispy. It wasn't freshly soggy like In N' Out. It wasn't delicious or had a certain taste to it. It was the most apathetic basket of fries I had ever met. "Hello, Fries. Okay. I see. Goodbye. You don't care? Okay."
Our waitnurse brought us the bill. Throughout the entire dinner, we figured out where she had her hand on our plates and the bill, so we weren't nervous about her being our waitress, not at all. I'd like to add to her benefit of the doubt, that all the waitnurses are made to wear red bras and undershorts that are possibly uncomfortable.
I asked my brother if he had fun. He enjoyed the experience, but he didn't like the food. I am a good food hunter. I feel I disappointed my brother and should have listened to the few and the wise on Yelp, but wanted to try it for myself, hoping to regain a few stars of hope for this new and grotesquely interesting place. Hope? Nope. I wish the Denny's had opened there instead. Sorry, Dr. Jon. Nutritionist gone wild? Well, this is ¡¡¡¡Mad Food Yelper gone fariggin' LOCA!!!! Okay. Time of death...2:41am
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