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| - the good thing about Charlie's? It's the great EQUALIZER: you can be dressed to the nines at amsterdam at 10pm on friday, or you can be in cut-off jeans, a Richard Simmons t-shirt and a backwards cap at Apollo's. Sooner or later, rich or poor, dirty or clean...everyone is gonna end up at Charlie's looking for tail.
Just a few problems:
1) You can't dance until the 9 people who know every stupid two-step set to pop remixes are done doin' their thing. This means around 12:30 or 1am. On a Saturday. Yeah - tons of people pressed closely together around the edges of the dancefloor waiting to let off some steam. Like runners waiting for the marathon gun...only the runners are gay...and drunk...and in shoes they can't run in. It ain't pretty.
2) You get to have a hall monitor in the men's room watch you pee-pee because they don't want people doing naughty things in there. Ick.
3) It's crowded on Saturdays, smells like vomit in the entry way (i think it's a "smell" poltergeist because it comes from nowhere and goes on for weeks), and needs a total redesign. Someone's gonna break an ankle on that "oopsie" spot on the patio!!
4) $3 cover after 1am on a Saturday?! Really? You know this is Phoenix, right? This isn't New York. This place makes thousands, and I mean THOUSANDS of dollars. They need a cover? Wow. It sure isn't being put towards any remodelling, I can guarantee you that.
5) The drag shows are sub....and I do mean SUB-par. Maybe I'm spoiled by New York, but these girls are either always drunk, forgetting their lyrics, or STOPPING their lip-sync altogether (mid-song) to press another shot down their throat in front of an audience. And the girls at Charlies are headed up by the biggest lush of all: Pussy LeHoot, who is usually obliterated during performance. Clear the aisle if she decides to take a trek to the back porch for some air, 'cause this chick will mow you down like a backyard in June - and leave you with nothing but a bruise and a fake eyelash stuck to your shirt.
6) Volleyball is fun!! That is, of course, if you're on one of the teams that hijacks the f***ing court there every sunday and is rude to newcomers. Strike that - they're rude to everybody
7) HUGE PROBLEMO: BE ADVISED that if you order a single drink and want to charge it, they will gladly run your debit card....for a minimum of $20.00. Oh, yeah - so if your drink is $6.00, you still have to run your card for $20 and you get $14 difference in cash. AND.....they don't tell people this: there's a $2.00 service charge on TOP of whatever your bank might charge you for this transaction. Charming, huh? This little maneuver is nothing but pure slimeball tactics conducted by a management committed to squeezing every last penny out of its patrons.
If you give this place 5 stars, I'm apt to think you just don't get out enough...or just don't know any better.
I'm tired of tricking myself into thinking this place will be "funner the next time" or "cleaner the next time" or "we can dance sooner next time" or "i feel comfortable here". I don't. It's rickety, smelly, and tired. and I've seen the 30 people that go there everywhere else anyway, so why bother? Yawn.
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