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  • Johnny Mango WHY DO YOU SPITE ME SO?!?!? --An Open Letter to Johnny Mango: Dear John(ny Mango): I want to like you. I really do. I've tried you at least 15 times, hoping that the gilmmer of hope you give me everytime I sit on your cute little patio sipping your delicious Mojitos would turn into something beautiful. You're leading me on. That glimmer of hope is gone faster than the pitcher of sangria that I love so dearly. Our romance is futile. You wine me with the sweet promise of your wonderful patio drinks and yet, when it comes to being there for me, for the really big payoff I'm always left wanting so much more from you - you just don't dine me. Your food is just boring, inconsistantly prepared, and honestly, it just isn't that good. Maybe its good for you -- but somehow I think you know the truth. The more you disappoint me with your food the more Margaritas I drink. The more amazing Margaritas I drink the more I yearn for your food. The more I yearn the more you disappoint me. Its a horrid cycle in which we live Johnny, and I can't do it anymore. I'm done with you. There are other amazing drinks in this city, there are other cute patios upon which a girl can dine. I don't need you. I'm better than you. And so this is my attempt to end it... But worst of all, I know my vegetarian friends, the ones that fawn all over you, the ones that think you're so cute and such a nice guy will just drag me right back in you..... Sigh, we always end up together like this Johnny. Right back where we started; another pitcher of mojitos, please. Yours, Laura
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