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| - When I think of the East Valley these days three words spring to mind; tweakers, traffic and track housing. Long burned to cinders are my pleasant memories of the eastern suburban cities in which I spent my twenty-something's. Now all I see are endless lines of rush hour traffic full of terrible drivers rushing slowly to get home to housing developments where all the houses look the same and every block has at least one clandestine meth lab that goes unnoticed as long as the occupants keep the lawn in accordance with HOA rules. There are very few areas in the east valley that feature any unique buildings old enough to be built of something other than plywood and plastic polymers and those precious few areas that do have long been since given over to the individual towns poorer segments. Whereas the bright lights of Phoenix have churned slowly towards re-urbanization the East Valley has given way to suburban sprawl pushing the populace even beyond even the massive boundaries of Maricopa County.
The tiny island of Tempe aside I avoid interaction, travel and commiseration with 99.5% of all entities within the confines of the East Valley. On the rare occasions I am forced to venture into these areas I treat them as a quarantine zone; hostile, unwelcoming and hazardous to my health. At any turn I expect to come across a roadblock of burned out vehicles being manned by caricatures from "Deliverance" eagerly waiting to rob me blind of all worldly possessions as well as my anal virginity. While I have long abandon these enclaves to battle amongst themselves I do still have allies and safe houses here; proverbial oases where I can seek safety and sanctuary.
O'Kelly's is not one of these places.
The analogy for this place, simply enough, is the Mos Eisley Cantina and when I walk into this place I'm one misstep away from some surly East Valley alien beating me to a pulp in the parking lot. I do, however, enjoy my time here as every time I come to this place I feel like I'm the Most Interesting Man In the World. Which is why, from time to time, I will stick my neck into this place that I don't quite belong to get a feel for how those inside the quarantine zone are faring these days.
This is not a bad bar; the bar staff and waitress almost to a woman are young, attractive and even if they don't truly mean it, they at least are self-aware enough to smile and flirt to get better tips. The Irish themed fair is surprisingly legit and I wouldn't dare drink in the place if they didn't have Dos Equis on special (Monday nights in case you were wondering). The place is very spacious if not a bit low ceilinged with two separate rooms; one is your basic sports bar setup and the other has a fairly decent sized space for live music. Much to my surprise this is where O'Kelly's shines...if you're into the bands that grace the stage at O'Kelly's that is. There aren't any up and comers taking the stage on Friday and Saturday nights but I've personally heard a few good songs blaring from the stage side from time to time.
When I'm here and feeling like the most Interesting Man In the World I enjoy going to watch the people have stayed the course and to see reflections of what could have been. I very easily could have become trapped in this very same neighborhood as the high school I graduate from is only a few scant blocks away. I could have never bothered to embrace the microbrew craze and just drank some variation of Bud, Miller or Coors for the rest of my natural life. I could have been content with the sameness any sports bar everywhere brings and never bothered to try crazy dance nights, quirky themed bars and never, ever set foot in a gay or lesbian bar ever. I could have grown bitter and so entrenched in my day to day doldrums that I flew into a rage anytime a new comer dared sit in "my special" seat. But I did or didn't do any or all of these things and as the Most Interesting Man In the World I've experienced and witnessed wondrous sights that most of the customers here have only seen through the flickering picture boxes gracing their living rooms. The reality that these folks could go out and live lives very different to those that they do now has never occurred to most of them. Occasionally I might regale some of the smokers on the patio on why I smoke American Spirits in the yellow box instead of Camel or Marlboro or the benefits or ordering a short cocktail compared to a tall one but for the most part remain silent and listen to the braggarts make outlandish boasts and the callow find enjoyment in the mundane.
But O'Kelly's still holds just enough hint of danger and more than enough strangeness to warrant a visit from time to time. For when I'm the Most Interesting Man In the World don't normally drink in the East Valley, but when I do I prefer to drink at O'Kelly's.
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