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| - Let me first start off by saying I've been to Saffron Patch about 5-6 times. I usually go for the lunch buffet, which is pretty-dang-good in my book as far as Indian lunch buffets go. This is why this place is getting 2 stars from me instead of 1. That and eating their Malai Kofta is like riding a creamy wave of umami from heaven down into a warm, calm ocean.
Yesterday I went for dinner with a group of 6, and it was a memorably bad experience. First, the waiter, who had ONLY US as a table, was awful. He would check on us maybe every 25 minutes or so. He forgot drinks that we'd ordered more than once, and he also forgot the naan I ordered with my meal. They were out of vodka, they were out of whiskey. Other servers were attempting to come to his aid, but dude was struggling to perform the basic tenets of his job.
My table ordered varying spiciness of dishes, ranging from 1-4 on their scale of 1-5. Everyone's food was basically a 5. This is coming from a group of seasoned spiciness professionals that put red pepper flakes on everything, grow a variety of peppers, and make their own hot sauces. In some cases the food was inedible.
At the end of the meal (that took nearly 2 and a half hours because the service was so slow) we received the bill, split it into our individual amounts, and waited to cash out. Waiter guy never came back. I ended up getting up to find him hanging out at the bar with another waiter guy.
Waiter guy first ran our cards for varying amounts, THEN pointed out that our calculations were short because none of us had accounted for the 18% gratuity that was automatically added to parties of 6 or more. We asked that it be removed from the bill, as we all wanted to leave our own tip amounts. (Despite this waiter's crap-turd service, we all probably would have tipped him more than 18%, as our group had 4 retired service industry folks in it and we're empathetic toward other servers.) The waiter declined our request, which was okay, but its customary to do that when a party requests it.
We recalculated the amount and we were short $35, so we added $40 cash to the bill. The waiter came back yet again with a giant calculator from oughteen forty two, insisting we were another $35 short, but that was like, impossible. By now, we had been cashing out for nearly 45 minutes and the rest of the waitstaff was sweating us because they were ready to go home. Dude ended up with a 40% tip for doing basically nothing. Well played, atrocious garbage waiter! You truly outfoxed a group of women who were so worn down by a combination of painfully spicy food and the vortex you created in the time-space continuum that we basically gave you all of the cash we had in our pockets.
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