| rev:text
| - Well, I'm certainly not going to get "Review of the Day" for this less-than-stellar review of Lakewood's golden child. Ah, well. Facts is facts...
I finally made it to Melt last night. After having turned away from the hour-plus wait on previous occasions, this time we were seated in a scant 45 minutes. Now, believe me when I tell you, I truly wanted to like this place...
THE UP-SIDE: Melt pulls you in with a very pleasing - albeit noisy - atmosphere. The lighting is low key, with splashes of light and color throughout the dimly lit scene.
The crowd seems happy - happy to have endured the long wait, happy to be soaking in the atmosphere, and happy to be happy that Melt is, indeed, making them happy.
The menu offers a truly inspired selection and feels fun to both look at, and order from. Melt is an experience to be had - you feel like you are a card carrying member of, "Club Fun, Different, and Happy!"
In addition, the servers are incredibly down to earth and sincere - something that probably isn't too easy to pull off, given their constant state of mad rush.
THE DOWN-SIDE: The food. I wasn't in the mood for a sandwich with meat, so I decided to go with the "Purple Parma." While the eggplant inside was going to be lightly breaded and fried, I figured it was a safe and tasty bet.
Well, the "Purple Parma" should be called the "Greazzzzy Parma." I haven't had that much oily grease leak onto my hand since the last time I worked on my parent's riding lawn mower.
Upon arrival at the table, the bread on the bottom half of the sandwich was already soggy with grease. Trying not to cause a fuss - somebody else was treating for dinner and I didn't wanna be a total complaining tool - I held the sandwich in a napkin and ventured on.
Do you know what a Hiatal Hernia is? Well, I've had one for years, but it rarely acts up. The torrent of grease running out of the "Purple Parma" and down my throat revived that hernia from hibernation in seconds flat.
The best thing I can say about that sandwich is that it could play a major role in any upcoming oil change you may have.
THE SUM-IT-UP: Melt is a cool place. I'm guessing lot's of people like the food, or it wouldn't be anywhere near as popular. Plus, the servers are really hard workers and very pleasant.
Maybe it was just an off night for the chef and my sandwich. Maybe he was getting a contact-high from all the happiness wafting in from the dining area. Maybe he is related to my gastroenterologist and they were conspiring to get me back for another visit.
Or, maybe Melt is just a regular restaurant that is riding high off the hype of offering something unique in concept, but sometimes lacking in technique.
...and maybe I sound like a crabby old man. Now you kids get off my lawn and leave me alone!!!
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