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| - I have never veiled my disdain for pretentious bistroids. I really do have a personal standard for quality/quantity/value, and over priced art projects on plates REALLY irk me. The Big Burrito Group really seems to love glitz over substance, and I've known this for years, but this evening's meal really put the icing on that cake.
After attending another event, my better half and I were off in search of food, and ended up wandering the Strip District. Our initial intent was to try Gaucho, but they had a line of hipsters out the door and around the corner. I'd heard of the Smallman Galley, and after finding it, and talking to one guy, we learned that it's a 'chef incubator', and that they were mostly between chefs. The two that did seem open, paid no attention whatsoever to two people discussing their signs and trying to figure out how things worked, so we left. On the way down the sidewalk, I remembered having had some decent wings from Kaya years ago, and tired of wandering and thinking, we just decided to stop the search at Kaya.
First, we had the gal at the front door, and five minutes of trying to figure out where to seat two people, and then were found a seat in the back.
Our server was very accommodating, but he was so high energy pep that we thought he may be zinging on something. He was kind of a cross between an aging hipster and a younger original hippy wannabee. He asked what we'd like to drink, and my partner mentioned that we'd just come from an event with drinks, so we didn't need to drink more. I don't 'drink' out, so I asked what their soda products were, and they're Pepsi, so I asked if they just had brewed tea. I ordered the tea, and he didn't ask if my partner wanted anything non alcoholic. We had to flag him down for that later. After discussing options, he ordered a ginger beer. It came in a tiny bottle, next to a small glass.
The menu was a mish mash of culinarily-brilliant-altered (sarcasm) versions of Caribbean dishes that made it a little hard to order. I worked and lived in the Caribbean, and have experienced the authentic versions, and seeing the added 'twists' to dishes I was familiar with did not make them appealing. BUT, having lived in Puerto Rico, when I saw the special menu of the month supposedly honoring the cuisine of Puerto Rico, I saw Mofongo (something I make at home) and we decided to split an order of Mofongo and the Cuban sandwich.
The waiter was kind and split the Cuban and sweet potato fries for us onto two trays that kind of looked like cookie sheets, and the 'mofongo' came in a large kind of soup bowl. I looked down into the bottom of the soup bowl, and saw about five, maybe six very nice looking shrimp, some red sauce...but the mofongo was missing one very key ingredient. Mofongo.
Mofongo is generally fried then mashed plantain, with garlic and chicharonnes (pork rinds) mixed in, and TOPPED with some type of savory meat sauce (shrimp, pork, etc.). What we had was a bowl of light topping, with barely a hint of the actual mofongo. If you're going to honor the cuisine of a country, perhaps you might try finding an actual authentic recipe first? I mean if I gave my elderly neighbor three plantains and NO recipe, he could manage to make a better mofongo than what this pretentious bistroid served up for $13. I honestly dug my fork around in the bowl looking for anything that even remotely resembled plantain. There MIGHT have been a teaspoonful down there, but honestly not enough for even ONE solid bite of mofongo.
I pointed out to the waiter that this was NOT mofongo, and when a Latin looking family was seated at the next table he altered his pitch to call it more of a 'gourmet version' of the dish. I wanted to seriously tell them it was NOT mofongo.
The shrimp was good...and the Cuban was a saving grace. Again, a Cuban from a shop in Miami would shame this knock-off, but this one at least filled the void where the mofongo was supposed to have been.
If the Emperor's New Clothes could be sold as food for a profit...Big Burrito would be the ones doing it.
And the hipsters would oooh and ahhhhh.
**Final side note: Our waiter was VERY good. And that is saying something, considering the product he has to work with.**
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