| rev:text
| - SpiritHouse is an insult to Toronto's bar and restaurant scene. If that isn't bad enough, they think nothing of insulting their customers directly as well.
It was my uber-foodie friend's birthday, so after a sumptuous and satisfying meal at Buca, we walked around the corner and into the WORST new bar in Toronto. I'll tick it off to you in bullet point form, to save myself the energy:
1. There's an ostentatious glass entryway. When you walk in, everyone turns around to look at you. It's feels exactly like walking into a meat locker, and it's douchetastic.
2. There's a bar area and a lounge-y area. We were seated in the lounge-y side. This bar is designed so that you can see anyone walking in from all vantage points, and yes, this is every bit as lame as is sounds. As for the decor, it's look vs. feel - everything in the place is made to look expensive, but it all feels cheap.
3. The owner seated us, a group of 3 lovely ladies. He laughed under his breath as he handed us menus, and said something about us not needing food menus since we were girls, because girls don't eat, or something to that effect. I asked him point blank if he was joking, if that was his idea of a joke. Girls don't eat? We just spent 3 hours and major bucks at Buca, like hell we don't eat. With this sexist, lame-o comment on the table, we were off to a rip roaring start.
4. Our server, Kaylee, arrived, and we asked about several types of flights - all strangely unavailable at 10:30 on a Friday night. Huh. Ok.
5. We asked lots of questions, ordered several signature cocktails. Kaylee was great, someone please give her a job at a better place. A solid 25 minutes later, our drinks arrived. (The place was not busy. There were several free tables and lots of seats at the bar. There was no reason for cocktails to take so long.) And they were.... absolutely, the WORST drinks I have had in Toronto. They were unbalanced, watery, and just plain bad. They tasted awful! Undrinkable. I could bore you with the names of the drinks and what was supposed to be in them, but what's the point? They just plain sucked. SUCKED. We were beyond disappointed at the lack of quality and the incredibly poor execution. The cocktails at Buca were a sensual, smooth, luscious experience, and these were just crap.
6. Kaylee came by and took those drinks away, and we ordered round two. These drinks were just as bad, if not worse than the first round. Again, sent them back, just plain undrinkable. For round three, we gave up on the signature drinks and just ordered plain drinks. How can you mess up a sidecar, a margarita, and a cosmo? 25 minutes later - again - UNDRINKABLE. There's tart, and then there's bitter. There is quality spirits and composition, and then there is SpiritHouse.
7. Somewhere in the middle of this mess, I visited the ladies room. In the unimpressive washroom, there is a sign on the wall that reads "Your shoes look great. Now go order another Cosmo!!" Seriously?? In a bar that is supposed to be about quality, barrel aged spirits, your suggestion to women is to go order another Cosmo? What is this, Sex In the City? All we do is not eat and look at shoes and order cosmos? Misogyny is alive and well at SpiritHouse.
8. Speaking of cosmos, SpiritHouse's version is UNDRINKABLE. The owner came over to speak with us about the 3 ROUNDS of drinks that we have now returned (That is a total of NINE disgusting drinks!! NINE!!!), and he tells us that the cosmo isn't a cosmo, but their own creation??! He tells us the not-a-cosmo has soooo much booze in it, and if we don't like it it's because we don't like booze and he can make us one with more fruit juice. There is nothing us foodie females enjoy more than having our palates insulted again and again. Funny how watery "booze" tastes to us. We didn't taste any booze at all, and we sure as hell don't need any more juice.
9. Kaylee said that the owner had comped our drinks. She then brought us a bill for one round?? Oui. NOTE TO SPIRITHOUSE: YOU DON'T "COMP" DRINKS THAT ARE RETURNED AS UNDRINKABLE. That's not a comp, it's product you can't bill for. It's like sending back chicken that's raw in the middle. You can't charge for your mistakes.
10. So all in all, we sat around in this douche hellhole for an hour and a half and didn't even get to drink anything, it SUCKS that bad. Save your time, your money, and your pride in womanhood and avoid this place like the plague.
11. On describing this experience to multiple friends, I heard back some marvelous stories. SpiritHouse is placing or paying for fake reviews online, even here on Yelp, that one by JerryC may be the most obvious fake review I've ever seen. Thanks for your very 1st review, Jerry. Also, they are straight up paying people (cute girls) to go out and chat up SpiritHouse around town. They have to pay for their "word of mouth", since the place sucks so bad.
SpiritHouse: Don't insult your clientele. Your drinks are insult enough.
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