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| - I came here for Tea with my daughter, her friend, and our families for a 17 year old birthday. Was expecting an ultimate girl experience and the need for a real meal afterwords but ended up having a blast and was surprised at both the quality and quantity of the food.
That food was excellent. The food was also abundant. They just just kept bringing food. The service was amazing (quiet, frequent, polite, cheerful), the view was beautiful, and the location was ultra swanky (I'm probably not supposed to call tea 'swanky' but I felt like a million dollars).
Still, I was one of just two guys in the whole place for tea (the other being my buddy). That said, I did feel a little like I was at grandma's house and was worried about avoiding a minefield of faux pas (I had to ask my wife how to spell that, and I am not sure I got the plural right).
In case anyone else is in the same boat:
Guys Guide to avoiding the dreaded faux pas while enjoying tea at the Phoenician:
-- Do not wear jeans or shorts (that is a faux pas). Wear slacks and a nice shirt. A golf shirt is okay, a sport shirt is better.
-- Sit up straight and fold your hands in your lap when not eating. (Slouching is a faux pas).
-- Keep your phone in your pocket. (To do otherwise is a faux pas).
-- There are baby showers and bridal showers going on throughout. Do not remark on the Victoria's Secret's bags on the table nearby while doing your best groucho eyebrows at your wife/date. (This is a faux pas).
-- If you order champagne, enjoy knowing that excellent wait staff will continually refill your champagne flute throughout your meal. (This is awesome, and yes it that glass is called a flute. Calling it a glass is a faux pas).
-- Tea and champagne pair wonderfully. When you are having tea with champagne, you should say things like "wonderfully" often. (This is not a faux pas).
-- Even though the sandwiches are tiny, delicious, and can fit in your mouth all at once, do not pop them into your mouth whole (that is a faux pas). You must take at least 2 bites, regardless of tiny sandwich size. Three bites is preferred.
-- Do not stack tiny delicious sandwiches atop one another to make new creations (that is a faux pas).
-- The stuff that looks like mustard on the table is actually delicious lemon curd for the scones. Scones are like sweet sweet biscuits. Do not put the mustard-looking lemon curd on your sandwich, Do save room for scones. Scones are the second course. Scones are delicious. The mustard-looking lemon curd is delicious on the delicious scones. (Curd is a funny word. Do not point that out to your server. That would be a faux pas).
-- The third course are tiny pastries. In case you hadn't guessed, these are delicious. When you eat the tiny eclair in two (or more) bites eclair filling may squirt out the eclair hole. Do not exclaim "eclair poo!". (That would be a faux pas and a waste of eclair filling - attend to the tiny eclair hole). (So, it turns out that calling it an 'eclair hole' is also a faux pas. Who knew?).
-- Do nor continuously ask if something is a faux pas. Nor should you ask, at the table, how to spell faux pas nor what the plural is of faux pas. All appear to be faux pas. Rather, just stare deeply into the eyes of your date / wife / daughter / mother. (That last one might be a faux pas).
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