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| - While three of my incredibly intoxicated friends received lapdances and slid crisp one-dollar bills into bras and panties at Sapphire Gentlemen's Club, I, the sober one, spoke with their server about their food. She told me, "Hey, we don't have our kitchen up right now (7 pm), but you could go next door (to El Dorado Cantina), buy some tacos, and bring it in here."
"Oh, great idea!" I replied back.
She replied, "Could you get me a shrimp taco? I'll give you a kiss."
"No kiss is necessary, but I got you on that shrimp taco, girl!"
I ventured next door and sat at the bar where I ordered twelve tacos and an order of flan (complimentary with a Yelp check-in) to go. Regarding their tacos, they offer two kinds:
- Street Tacos (3 for $13.50): Carne Asada, pulled chicken, carnitas, al pastor, cochinita, corn rajas, and cabeza.
- Signature Tacos (two per platter and range from $14-$20): Queso Mexicano, Cactus, Veggie, Childe Verde Pork with Chicharron, Shrimp, Grilled Mahi, Octopus and Chorizo, Lettuce Wraps, Salmon, and Langostino.
I got three each of the al pastor, shrimp, octopus, and chorizo, and langostine.
Once finished with my order (only 15 minutes), I carried my precious cargo, which sat in delicate plastic bags, and proceeded to return the strip club next door. As I entered, I saw two of my friends walk the opposite direction of me and yell, "Dude, we got kicked out!"
"Damn, dude, I just paid fifty bucks to get in, like half an hour ago, and you already got kicked out? AND I GOT TACOS!"
The bachelor and third member of the party stumbled ten feet behind and yelled, "Guys, my lap dance didn't even finish."
"What happened?" I asked the security guard.
"I mean, just look at one of your friends. He's a mess." He angrily told me. ***Queue both of us watching a man lay down onto a bench and hump it.****
So as we sat outside, I said, "Well, I can't wait to eat some dinner. Damn, I'm hungry."
I opened up a box and eyed the shrimp taco I planned on donating to the server inside. As I was about to sink my teeth into this masterpiece -- with purple tortilla, bright orange shrimps, red cabbage, and freshly chopped cilantro -- one of the members in the group grabbed my taco (that's what she said) and started eating it.
"Dude! What are you doing?"
Then, if things weren't worse, he took the rest of the taco and mumbled, "It's a bit dry." He then opened up the container where the flan resided and dipped the entire taco into it and devoured the entire thing.
"This taco sucks BALLS." He yelled.
"WTF, man. That's the flan!" I replied.
So I neither recommend or not recommend the flan.
Attempt #2, I grabbed the second shrimp taco and ate that baby down. A little dry, but a great balance of savory and crunch.
I then tried the octopus and chorizo, which was also well-made. I didn't get enough chorizo, but the masterfully cooked octopus carried it. Also, I'd recommend the langoustine, which immersed in garlic butter and served with fresh guac.
The al pastor was ok. I wouldn't recommend it.
So yeah, I tried just about all the tacos, and even though my friends just got kicked out of a strip club and I felt pissed to have just dropped $50 to speak their server, albeit sweet, the tacos helped salvage the night. (This also included one of the members of the party to forcefully grabbed me by my balls while yelling, "I dropped $1000 here. I can do whatever I want.)
F***, man. What a night.
*****
Plenty of parking is available. Just bring your rosary because you might need Jesus there.
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