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  • I was here Saturday night to watch the local sports team take on those piece of shit Canadiens. Fuck them, am I right? This was my first time attending this exclusive Toronto venue but I had heard that it houses some of Toronto's swinginest cats night in and night out. Surprisingly there was barely a wait at the door! I imagine that if you don't buy your tickets in advance that paying at the door is nightmare. So word of advice, but your tickets in advance! I'm sure you can easily buy them online as these Maple Leafs [sic] don't appear to be up to par. We went inside to discover that beers would be thirteen dollars and ninety-five cents each. Luckily for me I wasn't paying but please note it wouldn't have been an issue as I have a fuck ton of money. After absolutely CRUSHING my ICE COLD Richards Red I decided it was time to take a wicked wiz. Walking up to my urinal I was greeted by a middle age man talking to his penis. I believe he said, "C'mon buddy nows not the time to get shy!". His penis offered no reply which I found to be a pretty pompous move but I feel like the clientele at this place are a bit into themselves. Right as the national anthem started I finished my 'nth beer and blacked out. The next thing I remember was inhaling the beef tartare at Drake 150. However, don't feel sorry for me the leafs are an atrocity.
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