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| - I've been a member of the Mayfair Lakeshore since 1997. This place saved my life when I was a stay-at-home mom of two toddlers. Yes, the rec centre in the hood was free and had aerobic classes 3 mornings a week with $2 babysitting by a 90something pre-corpse named Alma. One summer day, our favourite aerobic instructor invited all the rec centre hoes to the Mayfair for a complimentary spin class, we were all sold : Classes all day, showers with a whirlpool and steam room, every day, 2-hour day care with organized activities for a monthly fee (way cheaper than preschool) AND you could use it more than once day and that we did. Mornings were fitness and afternoons were cocktail hour because they even have a full service bar/restaurant. YOU CAN DRINK BEER WHILE YOUR CHILDREN TAKE SWIMMING LESSONS, I REPEAT: YOU CAN DRINK BEER WHILE YOUR CHILDREN TAKE SWIMMING LESSONS. It is awesome.
Sometimes when I tell local people what gym I go to, I get an eye roll. The Mayfair Lakeshore has a reputation in the east hoods that I just want to clear up some of the myths:
1. IT'S SO EXPENSIVE! Grow up. I am poorer than Cowboy Jesus and I suck up the cost. The monthly basic fee is around $120 which seems steep compared to that Russian mafia run chain gym you reluctantly joined after buying a Groupon that you actually never go to because the machines are literally covered in douche juice. The Mayfair is actually a LIFESTYLE, not a gym per se. You go there to "workout "while you peripherally stalk your crush. And because you actually make friends with other members, your wing man goes on the treadmill beside said crush and finds out he is single and in the time it takes you to train for a 10k (6-8 weeks) you are over it and taking personal training sessions from the cute personal trainer dude who spends 5 extra minutes lying on top of you, "stretching out your hamstrings" as his hot peppermint breath tickles the back of your neck. Yes, personal training is expensive but some things are priceless.
2. THE PEOPLE THERE ARE SO SNOBBY! Mayfair was at one time primarily a racquet club and yes, tennis is for rich people. Some of the old timey tennis ladies in the morning are insufferable when they are snaggling around the lobby like a snatch of beavers in a woodpile but when you see them stripped down naked in the ladies' locker room, all cellulite and varicose veins with their petrified rock hard 25 year-old silcone titty balls slinging sadly over top of their menopausal middle pudge, you realize there really is no such thing as a caste society in a gym. You could totally take these bitches to town. Everybody else is super nice in comparison if you stop being so paranoid that they are all laughing at you because you have panty lines on your Lululemons. Go commando, dumbo, and grow up and go make some friends.
3. IT'S A FAMILY CLUB AND I AM SINGLE, I AM BETTER OFF AT AN AA MEETING. I know, I feel your pain, I am a prowling divorcee myself and if I see another age-appropriate (for moi) 50ish year old man and his desperate looking pushing 40ish year-old wife with their i-Pad slinging toddler, I will barf. The tale end of Generation X are in full-on spawn mode and they make for the worst parents EVER because they document everything on Facebook and Instagram and yes they have taken over the gym in a bad way. In my heyday, we put our children in the daycare and socialized at the bar and had affairs and lived life like a hot mess. Parents today are afraid of their children, "Jaden doesn't like the daycare" and so they roam the sanctuary of the gym with their iThings blasting out "Frozen." They talk to their children loudly and slowly, referring to themselves in third person, so we can all hear what great parenting skills they have. Little do they know, they are raising a new generation of sociopaths. But whatevs, hopefully they'll get bored of each other soon enough and the playing field gets levelled and we will all get bone where bone is due. SIGH.
In the meantime, did I mention there is a whirlpool?
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