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| - When Walhburgers opened in Toronto I simply wanted to try it for the sake of trying it. After all, a burger monster's gotta eat!
I am aware that the burger chain is a venture by movie star Mark Wahlberg and his brothers, and that there is also a reality TV show based around it. Since I generally don't view reality TV, I can care less what it's about; sounds stupid to me anyhow. However it freaked me out when the first sign posted at the entrance is a legal public film/photography waiver notice. That's a first in my eating out experience.
No film crew on my visit. But the second thing I saw entering was a throng of people behaving like tourists, gawking and snapping pictures at every detail of the establishment. Walking out after eating here or entering, it seems like I just stepped into a tourist trap. This is not a celebrity chef's place like Susur Lee (who has a restaurant** on the other side of the Soho Metropolitan Hotel building that also houses Wahlburgers). This is a Hollywood celebrity's restaurant, of course you'll feel like you're in a scene and say you've been here! Roll out the red carpet... and get the fuck outta way; this is a food serving establishment, not a TIFF premiere.
The layout is confusing. The front part is dedicated to full service restaurant operations, including waiter service and yes, alcohol! They sure love for you to sit down here. Further back and a couple turns later is the usual and more empty quick service order counter, plus some casual seating that extends to the upper level mezzanine.
As a warning, the menu for burgers only show the price for their 'regular' size. Something I learned the hard way when I was asked if I want the 5oz or 8oz. 5? Only kids eat the 5oz patty! I want the 8 ouncer! Super size that shit; it's the all-American way, right? Upsell wins, well played.
The "Our Burger" 5er is $9.69 on the posted menu, but super sized will run ya $11.65, $13.16 with tax.
And what is this 8oz signature Our Burger? It looked like fast food roadkill to begin with. The 8oz beef patty is an oval shaped elongated thing sandwiched between two microscopic kids meal sized buns, sticking out profoundly like IKEA purchases that could not fit in the car so you drive away with the trunk open. It was pathetically tiny overall, the juices was dripping mad like a horribly leaky faucet, and tasted like a typical fast food chain burger. Nothing special, nothing enjoyable, not impressed. The ingredients were barebones basic--tomatoes, pickles, processed cheese, confetti sized lettuce... if you can belt off the Big Mac song, it pretty much describe what they put in it. It took five minutes to prepare this disappointment for me (whilst waiting for my 4-digit order number to be called--sure felt like Mr. Bean in the waiting room scene, because how many thousand more people could there be before me?), and another five to eat it. A $13 burger should not take me five or less minutes to consume. I felt sorry for the cows who were sacrificed to produce this blasphemous ripoff.
In summary, Wahlboogers is a disappointing, overhyped, and deceptive experience where the star ingredient used is the name itself. Should you go here, do not get the Our Burger, though based on my experience I cannot imagine their other stuff being any more exciting. I felt like I paid for a pack of silver lined underwear for Marky Mark, for it wasn't worth it. With their high prices for small lame products, one could get much better and more enjoyable burgers--be it a fancy gourmet thing or a greasy thick wonder--elsewhere on the $10-14 range.
** (see http://www.yelp.ca/biz/luckee-toronto?hrid=6DR9vLEHrtemxyh0nPhBHA)
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