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| - That this place has more than one star on average leads me to believe that there are many, many, many people in Phoenix who were born without tastebuds.
Let's start with the positive- La Piccola is cute and clean. Both of those are important. So, well done. That earns you the one star that Yelp says I have to give you in order to leave a review. Because, trust, little Piccola, if I could have given you negative stars, I would.
My business partner and I came after work today to have a little strategy meeting and take advantage of the Living Social deal she purchased worth $30. She was told when she called that she had to make reservations and that the Living Social coupon couldn't be used for the happy hour prices on appetizers. Okay, fair enough. We headed on over after making our reservation.
Reservation? ARE YOU SERIOUS, PICCOLA? We were, save the staff, the only ones there. During "happy hour". This should have been our first clue. The very snarky server greeted us with "Oh, are YOU the ones that called with the coupon?". Awesome! Nothing like making us feel like losers because we had the nerve to purchase a deal that you offered.
After being seated and given water, our waitress disappeared. We waited for almost 20 minutes waiting for her to reappear. She didn't. My business partner went to track her down and she came back, five minutes later. She rolled her eyes, and with a sour face begrudgingly took our order. She was flat out rude and it set the tone for our whole experience. We ordered the cannelini bean bruschetta, hummus and baba gannhouj, and the ham and cheese appetizers. My business partner had a glass of wine and I had green tea.
The food here is miserable. MISERABLE! Like, I would rather eat my own eye than have another forkful of food from this place. The ham and cheese, which is billed as swiss cheese and some exotic ham from the special pigs of the region of blah blah blah, tasted like canned ham and chopped up grocery store cheese. The honey mustard is straight out of the McDonald's drive though. The bruschetta was overly vinegary and the beans were weird in texture. Definitely from a can, as they had a tinny quality. The hummus was bland and absolutely drenched in olive oil. It was topped with three of the squishiest olives known to man. Speaking of, how DO you mess up an olive? The physics of this flummox me.
But, the worst of all....the baba gannhouj. We have both had this on several occasions in our lives and this? This was a hot mess. A weird, gross, salty mess. It had the textural integrity of snot. Again, drenched in olive oil. When we asked for something else, we were given an interrogation worthy of an international crime and told that it is "an acquired taste". My palate isn't unsophisticated, I know what baba gannhouj is supposed to taste like (even if I can't spell it). What it's not supposed to taste like is funky old sweat socks run through a blender. And yet. When we asked to get something different, we were given fresh hummus and questioned more about why we didn't like the baba gannhouj. The fresh hummus?
Bland.
Slimy.
And? Decoratively festooned with a giant, long, black hair. This was, as the waiter told us, "the best hummus in Phoenix". If anything here is the best in Phoenix, then I am the Queen of England and I can guarantee you, no one is calling me "Your Majesty."
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