| rev:text
| - I guess Alice doesn't live here anymore. Expecting some of excitement and flair of his music, we arrived at Alice Cooperstown right after noon. Granted, a popular time.
While an empty 4 top stared us in the face, we were told we would have to wait 5 minutes for a table. We looked thorough the moderately-overpriced merchandise while waiting the longest 5 minutes in history.
School is NOT out. Lesson One: Allow plenty of time to get seated at Alice's.
Finally seated, our server orbited by, only barely interested in our presence. Having seen the big-unit pimped on TV, we had agreed to try it. The "Big-Unit" is 22" of all-beef hot dog on a bun. For some reason I thought it would be special. Stupid me. We asked for cheese on top and for half of the dog to have chili as my wife doesn't like chili. So that means the whole dog would have cheese, and half of the dog would have both cheese and chili. Complicated? Read on.
OK, so now we've been at Alice's for 50 minutes (FIFTY) and have not been served.
Lesson two: Service at Alice's is S-L-O-W.
No matter how loud they pump up the music, the servers and kitchen can not keep the beat. I hadn't intended on keeping track, but at 45 minutes I started to notice that I was getting pretty hungry. At 55 minutes our server suddenly looks in our direction, probably from the pain of 3 pairs of eyes following her every move and rushes to the kitchen.
The "Big Unit" is supposed to be the signature dish at Alice's. When a "Big Unit" is served a bell is rung and all the servers stand up and mutter (in unison) "big unit". Ob la te, ob la ta, life goes on. Not much of a production, but that's ok. I didn't really want the hoopla I thought might come with it.
Lesson Three: The "Big Unit" is no Big Deal.
The BU arrives naked on one side and cheese and chili on the other. Sheesh
Lesson four: Wait staff either cannot take orders or do not check orders.
But, by this time our parking meter was going to run out, so eating was our first priority.
Lesson 5, bring quarters for the meters or park in the public garage.
We politely asked for mayo, pickle relish and onions as the waitress drifted by from time to time. The mayo came first....5 minutes later the pickle relish was dropped off on a buzz by, and the onions...well, we never saw them.
Lesson six: oh hell, you get the idea.
Our dining partner ordered a fried chicken sandwich. Her only comment was that it would have better if it had not been fried and was otherwise bland.
I think this is really a place to go for a beer at the bar. Or, if you are with a group large enough to attract the interest of the wait staff and and your group is interested in drinking mass quantities of beer, thus disabling the usual gag reflex that might prevent you from eating everything put in front of you. Or maybe you want to embarrass a weight challenged friend and make them order a "big deal" (oh sorry, "Big Unit") and watch them stuff 22" of all-beef boiled doggie into their face. ha ha ha. What fun. Really.
OK, so the bottom line.
Go once 'cause you can't believe all the other bad reviews and you're sure Alice would never be a part of this. Then, write a review apologizing to all the previous reviewers who tried to warn you.
Oh oh, I almost forgot. The wait staff wear eye makup. Just like Alice. Well, sorta like Alice. Alright, not at all at all like alice.
Like I said, Alice doesn't live here anymore. And we told you so. Schools out.
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