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  • Disclaimer and Qualifications: I'm a midwestern gringo, but I've been here 20+ years, so can take a little heat. My wife is half Thai, and her Mom and Aunts used to sit around prepping, cooking REAL ACTUAL Thai food (and gossiping) all day long, so she knows the good stuff. The first time we went, she loved it so much that the second time we went and got a TOGO order, we brought home over $75 worth of food for her, I, and a 12 yo girl. This doesn't mean three $25 meals, either, since each entree/appetizer ranges from a little under to a little over $10. Yea, leftovers! Instructions: 1. Hire a group of thugs to tie you up, slip a sack over your mousse-head, toss you in the back of a cargo van, and dump your pretentious, elitist butt INSIDE the front doors of Siam. 2. Enjoy the tastiest, most authentically prepared and flavored Thai food you'll likely have this side of Bangok, served by friendly authentically prepared and flavored Thai folk, in a very clean and ornately decorated, authentically prepared and flavored environment. 3. Go through moral, ethical, and spiritual crisis as you decide whether it is time to forgoe your judgemental, plastic-coated, dream world where everything is pristine and sanitized, so that you may indulge in the tastes of the real world, not the Real World tm. 4. Decide that you simply cannot face the ugly Glendale strip mall you know is outside those doors; have thugs kidnap you back to East Valley and drop you off at Kierland Commons, so that you can wash away the filthy feeling with an overpriced gourmet coffee amongst the beautiful people. Pretend you didn't just start down the dark path of heroin-like spicy Thai basil & peppers. Pretend that you won't be slinking back to the other side of the tracks to cop another score sooner than you think. Look around at all of the fronts -- on the stores, and especially the people -- they want you to believe that they are authentically prepared and flavored, but they aren't.
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