| rev:text
| - The Salt River is awesome, but only if you go prepared.
Yes, there are drunk people there, that's why people float down a river in the desert on a 110ยบ day, so if you can't handle the drunk and rowdies, don't go.
I don't really understand the dirty water thing people are talking about. It's a flowing river, yes there's some trash here and there, but the water is fine.
This is what you need to know to TUBE LIKE A BOSS.
Do not bring jewelry/cell phones/money/anything you don't want to lose. Leave that shit in the car. I lost my wedding band the first time I went, the wife cried the whole ride home, and that's just plain annoying...
Bring ONE car key and wear it around your neck, or tie it to the strings on your shorts. double knot that shit.
1) Bring an old bed sheet, wrap it around your tube and tie it tight underneath. It turns your tube from an ordinary piece of rubber, to a luxurious floating la-z-boy.
2) straps or rope. you're going to want to get your tubes tied (hehe) together so you can hang with your people. There's nothing lamer than being the random solo floater, and everyone asking you where your friends are, you'll look like a jackass. Also, your gonna want to tie your cooler tube to your tube, so you can have food/water/beer close by.
3) get a tube for your cooler, because it's smart.
4) for every beer/alcoholic beverage you bring, bring the equivalent in water. You don't want to be that drunk asshole passed out face down on the beach, with your drunk friends standing around you not knowing what to do. Or maybe you WANT to be that drunk asshole, if so, just bring your 2 liter of Coke and that bottle of Captain's... and let me know how that turns out for you!
5) Wear an old pair of sneakers that you don't mind ruining. The river is swift and the rocks can be sharp, don't mess with flip-flops, wear goddamn sneakers. you'll thank me.
6) Wear a shit ton of sunscreen, especially on your knees/shins, cuz that's what'll be in direct sunlight the whole time. I wear a long sleeve shirt when I go, because i'm old.
7) hat and sunglasses, again, something you won't mind losing, cuz when you and Sally decide to get rowdy and splash each other, it's gonna turn into a full on "pull everyone off their tubes, it's so funny!" party, and shit's gonna fall off your body.
8) bring pre-packaged food that won't get gross and soggy if water get's in your cooler. I recommend beef-jerky and cheetos, let your white-trash junkfood flag fly!
9) A crappy little radio, because music.
10) Ladies, show your boobs, because it makes the world a better place, and if you run out of beer, you can replenish your supply with this generous act. The river is wild, you must barter to survive.
11) Bonus points if you bring a big bag of marshmallows to throw at people, it's kinda sorta littering, but i'm sure the fish and/or drunk college kids will eat them eventually.
12) To counteract your flinging of marshmallows, if you see trash floating in the water, PLEASE PICK IT UP, and leave the river better that you found it.
If you follow these easy Salt River Tubing Fun Time steps, you will be on your way to tubing like a BOSS, it's all about comfort people, comfort and boobies. and beer. and boobies. and comfort.
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