| rev:text
| - Holyyyyyy Shitballs. This place sucks. (Note: I start every review at 3 stars. You get three stars for existing. Good service? +1 star. Bad food? -1 star. Etc.)
Alright so: The food? Actually not that bad. Pretty decent meatballs, sauce that apparently is called "gravy." (Dear Steve Martorano: it's called sauce. Gravy is what you put on turkey on Thanksgiving. It's made from the juices and drippings of the bird. Look it up, cuz.)
So yeah, food was alright. That's as far as this review goes for positive feedback. Go to Martorano's if you enjoy the following:
- LED backlit menus
- an iPad drink menu that gets taken away as soon as you order your first drink (want to peruse the drink menu? Good luck tracking down your waiter to get it.)
- Disco lights that rotate over your table constantly, changing the color of your food from pink to yellow to green to bright white.
- the same 10 loud songs that totally don't fit the meal playing over and over again because apparently whoever is in charge of the music found a mix CD from 1997 in the trash outside of Bally's (Hope you like Doo Doo Brown and Jock Jams vol. 3 while you eat!).
- American Hustle playing on the TV's all around the place. Now listen, I'm into film, I'm a grown ass man, but I don't really appreciate watching permed-up Bradley Cooper mount Amy Adams while I dip my bread in olive oil, ya dig? But apparently they have also been known to play The Godfather pt. 2, which totally fits in with the music. NOT.
This place is what I'd expect from a guy with "Yo Cuz" tattooed on his arm. It's like a 14 year old kid tried DJing for 3 years, had no talent, stole his grandmother's sauce recipe (not gravy. SAUCE.), and opened a bunch of restaurants with shallow decor, a limited menu, and ZERO imagination. This is a perfect example of good food with piss poor execution. Slow it down, Steve, ditch all of the flashy crap, and dedicate the place to serving good food. Because the food isn't worth shit when the dining experience is akin to root canal.
I'm looking forward to heading back next year, when this place is out of business and is replaced by a decent Italian restaurant, just like the one it replaced.
Final Verdict:
+1 Decent Food
-1 Music
-1 Lights, TV's, General Atmosphere
-1 Service (Wait staff is alright. But ordering from an ipad that you share with other tables? Not so much. Oh and be sure to fill out the survey on the ipod touch when you get the bill! It's SO hip!)
I won't say avoid at all costs - but get the food to go. Do not eat in the dining room.
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