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| - The minute I walk in with my seventeen children I know I have spent my retirement well on the two hours of daily babysitting they provide. That is two hours of freedom my husband often uses to sleep on the couch in the men's locker room. On the other hand, I have yet to achieve all of my fitness goals. This is confirmed when I walk in the locker room to see the ten percent body fat lined up at the mirrors with matching bras and thongs. I quickly change promising myself I will go to Victoria Secret the moment I leave. I slink into the back of Zumba nine minutes late. The instructor, Monica, is a motivational diva. Saturdays have become about the Salsa and reaching a maximum heart rate of 320 for 51 minutes. I head upstairs to the weight area grabbing that haircut coupon the spa lady is shoving at me, passing a guy so ripped he has veins. He is eyeing me to see if I am checking out his perfection. I shouldn't have looked. They are selling nonfat, zero carb pasta and olive oil in the hallway along with purses and bejeweled T-shirts. For a moment I falter but my focus from Zumba is fierce and I WILL go upstairs and curl those weights in front of the mirror. Upstairs I walk past the fitness Instructor desk. I don't make eye contact because I know they will ask me if I completed my $100 fitness assessment and try to sell me whey protein and vitamins. A fitness instructor smiles at me in the mirror. Damn it, he is coming over. He asks me my fitness goals and what I like to do at Lifetime. I tell him about Zumba, free weights, my knee problems, what I looked like when I was twenty and how I am afraid I will pass gas in yoga. He asks me if I have done my fitness assessment. I think about the $256 dollars coming out of my bank account the first of every month for the Lifetime membership and swim lessons for my girls but I need the extra cash for the cafe strategically placed at the exit. I leave after we talk. I walk pass the towel desk and grab two of the least crusty towels I can find. Although there is often hair in the shower drains I try not to look as I need to get my $256 worth of hot water. I pick up my kids who are playing video games in the computer area and have my husband paged to the child center as a wake-up call. We walk past the guy selling whey protein and almost make it past the cafe entrance but like candy bars at the grocery checkout the bright colors and pictures of dewy fruit draw us in. We promptly pay for three packs of Pop Chips, jelly beans and two chocolate milks because if it's there, it's healthy right? Even though my kids may take out student loans for college and I may not retire until I am eighty, three days a week my husband gets a nap, my kids get to play video games and I get Zumba. It's well worth the price if you ask me.
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