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| - OK, let me try to take an objective stab at this one. After all, given the foaming at the mouth proselytizing that goes on about this place it would appear that I'll, once again, be in the minority.
I personally can't believe the risk that the owners of Melt have taken, expanding to four locations in about as many years in one of the worst economies our country has ever seen. I've got two words, big balls. At any rate, it would appear that their plans are working...for now. With an easily reproducible business model (Cleveland tchotchke, overstuffed grilled cheese sandwiches a la Panini's, decent beer list) and a market with a seemingly insatiable desire for anything fried, buttered and cheesed, Melt has turned itself into a local phenomenon.
I haven't eaten at all of the locations (sorry Mentor, just too damn far) but I think I've got the gist. Here's what you get:
Long wait times - We've visited at 5pm on a Wednesday and 6pm on a Sunday. We're talking about a 30 minute wait on average. It's even worse at the Lakewood location. If you can snag a space at the bar do it. The tables are bunched together and small anyway. Besides, the bar service is typically better.
Xeroxed décor - If you want to see what all the fuss is about, go to the Lakewood location; it's still hanging on to its personality. The other locations just seem contrived, mere facsimiles of the original. Big, light-up lawn decorations like snowmen and bunnies adorn the walls above the bar, a giant Dairy Queen sign on one wall, a black and white mural of all things Cleveland on the other. It feels more like a TGI Fridays than something that was lovingly created over years of collecting.
Creatively tasty variations on a grilled cheese - If there's one thing I can't argue with it's the sandwiches. Don't come here and order a salad or fill up on appetizers you can get everywhere else. Their grilled cheese sandwiches are big, greasy gut bombs that will easily render you helpless and in a food coma. On a recent trip I had the Hungry Hungarian, a grilled cheese (of course) stuffed with chicken paprikash. After I woke up I was just happy I had another half to eat for lunch the next day.
Awful cole slaw - Don't order it, seriously. It's served with everything and it shouldn't be. It's basically dry cabbage with pepper on it. Where's the mayo? I don't want to be a part of a society where this disaster is acceptable. Need some help? Visit any KFC. This atrocity should be eliminated from the menu, it just angers the patrons and insults the sandwiches. You've been warned.
Average service - I can't blame Melt for this one, I think average service has become the norm just about everywhere. You'll wait longer than you want for your drinks, you'll probably get a server that seems annoyed with you, and you just might not get everything you ordered exactly as you ordered it. Just expect it and it will be easier to swallow.
It's loud - Your throat is gonna be raw after your meal. Call me old fashioned but I like to be able to hear the person seated across from me when we're dining together. It's no wonder everyone's face-down in their phones. They're texting back and forth so they can understand the conversation.
A decent beer list - Melt has this one going for it. I don't remember the exact number, but I'm thinking a couple dozen drafts, regularly rotating, and 20-30 bottles. I've had some stellar brews here - Left Hand Fade to Black, Corsendonk Christmas, Bell's Two Hearted, you get the picture. If you're a beer geek like me you will find something new to try. If you drink Bud Light you won't give a shit. On the down side, I've yet to talk to a server or bartender at Melt that knows anything about beer. You know that look your dog gives you when you ask him if he wants to go for a walk? The one with the slightly glazed over eyes and tilting head? That's what happened when I asked our last server a few questions about their draught offerings.
Don't get me wrong, I do like Melt, I'm just not *in* like with them. Actually, I like who they used to be. They used to be a special little piece of Cleveland, sort of tucked away in the burbs, out of the mainstream. They were cool. Something that Clevelanders were proud and a bit protective of. This was before Food Network turned it into a destination. Before it turned into a chain. Before 45 minute waits, before the out-of-towners crowding up the joint (seriously, check out how many Yelps are from out of state). I don't know. I'm torn. Whatever happened to a place being happy with who they are? I'm just sappy that way. I still long for the days when Sam Adams was a microbrewery.
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