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| - ABC Tavern was a happy mistake. I was in Cleveland for the holidays visiting my family and friends at the Garage Bar across the street. I had bought gloves and shanghaied someone's scarf and wondered what part of spending winter in Cleveland was a good idea. After drinking at the Garage Bar, my friend said, "I'm hungry." She and I dumped our friends and texted them to meet us across the street at the ABC Tavern.
I won't go into the 1950 nudes in the back, the bowling machine, the upper area private area, or how my friend and I played "Can You Spot the Lesbian," which I won, because the bi girl I spotted was used as the tie breaker.
What I will talk about was how my friends and I discovered two key things there. The first one was called Kentucky Bourbon Ale. I stopped drinking Christmas Ale that night (and who was the moron who started this lacing the rim with cinnamon? This is coming from a California guy and we're the ones who shove oranges into our beers), but I've digressed, and made new friends with the Kentucky Bourbon Ale and it gave me its number. I'm waiting three days to call, but I want to call it now. I texted Christmas Ale and said we have to see new people.
The second thing I discovered there was the Atomic Dog. I was drunk and hungry. If I smoked weed, I can only imagine how much tastier it would be. I even went back the next day sober to see if I was right and you know what, I was. Now close your eyes. Actually don't, you can't read the rest of it if you. Get someone to read the rest to you. Make it your mom. I'll wait.
Still waiting.
All right, close your eyes and imagine the best hot dog that you'll ever taste. It's big and juicy. It is the gayest experience in your mouth next to that one and only time your uncle babysat you and let you drink all those tasty wine coolers all night long. The hot dog is wrapped with bacon and the dogs are sliced, and inside are jalapeƱo peppers. I believe there is a hollandaise sauce on the hot dog. It's not just food, it's an explosion in your mouth.
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