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  • In theory, Tessaro's is exactly what you want -- a casual neighborhood joint in a great location with an acclaimed product. In practice, it's not very pleasant to go there. I don't think they want us there. Every interaction seems designed to make people feel awkward. The burger itself -- the actual cooked meat -- is indeed good, but they have no interest in all the other stuff that turns cooked meat into a hamburger experience. The buns are poor quality; they absorb juices and toppings so they get sloppy and disgusting after a few bites. The burger just falls apart in your hands (or onto your lap). You have to finish it with a fork. They don't serve French fries, and they seem affronted when you ask for some. This is a bizarre, given that everything else about the place screams "we have fries here!" Why withhold fries from customers who surely have been asking for them every day for years? This hints at either a weird purist dogmatic sensibility, or deliberate sabotage. Why not serve fries *and* homefries? Are they afraid the fries will win, exposing the hollow sham that the homefries have been all along? I've come to believe that everyone at Tessaro's is under a spell where they must cook and serve excellent hamburgers, but they hate cooking and serving hamburgers. Everything about the restaurant that is not an actual meat patty is cleverly designed to keep you away. But you keep going back. Have some pity for the poor cursed Tessaro workers, and just go up the street to BRGR, or downtown to Winghart's.
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