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| - Unforgettable.
I was fortunate enough to be there with @Kent P who does not suffer fools easily. A far more patient person, I, I thought, "how bad could it be!?"
The answer: absolutely f*cking awful.
First of all, no restaurant can completely control it's clientele, but the cheapness of beer ($1.75 for a pint, $5 pitchers) meant that those weird dudes who you see sitting despondently at empty bars - this was where they all met for dinner before heading to their respective dives. The air was think with the smell of homeless man B.O. and the sounds of drunken, slurred diatribes. We had to request that the door be opened to get a cross breeze going and help alleviate the stench of human misery.
Secondly, the service. Now, I readily acknowledge that asking someone to open the door of their restaurant because of the stink does not a good relationship make. But man alive did this waitress ever hate us. It couldn't have been less than an hour that people waited for menus and the offer of drinks. Actually, scratch that, we only got menus (3, for our table of 10) after going to the till to retrieve them. Same with ordering pitchers. regarding the beer, see Kent P.'s review touching on the mystery label. She would slam our orders down on the table as if we had somehow insulted her by asking for them. She never stuck around to see if people wanted more, which in turn meant that we were always trying to get her attention so we could complete our order, which must have made it seem like we were the most difficult table she'd ever dealt with. She would take an order from 2 people and then leave to process it before coming back. The result? Food would come out, one dish at a time, with extended intervals between arrivals. Was it the food we ordered? Oh GOD no.
Which brings me to the third issue: the food. Almost every dish was a mystery dish with the exception of a few which so thoroughly underwhelmed that many of us broke out laughing. The spicy chicken? Just deep fried chicken bits - bone still in, so buyer beware - with hot chilies sitting on the plate. Which is to say, the chicken wasn't spicy at all! It would be the equivalent of calling something breaded chicken and then serving a chicken breast with a slice of bread beside it. Of the 10 of us, we all ordered something different as to share plates. 3 plates came out the exact same. All a noodle recipe with meats unknown. It was almost too greasy to eat and the only reason it wasn't bland was because there was enough MSG to dehydrate a camel.
Overall it was an unbelievably bad experience. Easily the worst food, worse atmosphere and worst service I have ever, ever, EVER experienced in any restaurant, anywhere. It reminds me of a time that we went to a small restaurant in rural Mexico and ordered a meat platter, and they brought us out a plated of cold, cut up hot dogs. You're so baffled that it's even happening that it's like some Dadaist, experimental restaurant. Which is the kicker. As terrible as this place is, I have been talking about it nonstop since I went there, and I will almost definitely go back with other people to show them it. It's like the freak show of Toronto restaurants, "see the worst food, the smelliest man, the cranky waitress! Step right up folks! You won't believe your eyes!"
And I promise you, it's true. You won't believe what you're seeing.
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