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| - You know how when you're on vacation somewhere in Florida and you're not really sure where to go or where the hot spots are, so you end up going to a popular area because that's what tourists do and you're walking along and you go "well this place is in business in a popular area, it has to be at least above average to stay in business" then you sit down and look over everything and get acquainted with the surroundings. You're like "wow this is really nice, I can't believe it's right on the water" and "wow is so packed" and "geez the prices are a little high, but it's a touristy area so that makes sense.
Well guess what folks! You don't have to go to Florida to fall in a tourist trap when you have Alley Cat Oyster Bar right in your backyard.
Let's start with the good. The Flats East Bank is probably better (or more populated) than the developers could have imagined at this point. Sitting like the angel atop the Christmas tree is the Alley Cat Oyster Bar in all its glory. A large, imposing structure on the Cuyahoga beckoning you like a seafood lighthouse. It looks like everything you could ever want in a building...home, office, restaurant, whatever. The staff all dresses in the same shirts. Okay, we got the good out of the day way.
Now let's talk about how this Great Pyramid encapsulates a bad to mediocre seafood restaurant. Disclaimer: I've been here for 2 dinners, a happy hour, and a late night oyster run. This is not a first impression. Let's start with the worst, which is apparently the oyster supplier. Zack Bruell should sit down with whoever this is and get on the same page. Maybe he woke up one day with this vision and developed it, then on the last day goes "oh shit I need an oyster guy, it's in the name." Our Capital oyster were delivered on ice cubes bigger than the half shells. Have you seen the videos on the Internet of people making tiny Krispy Kreme donuts in tiny pots of oil on tiny stoves? Look it up, then put my oysters next to it. This, after a conversation with the bartender about briney vs size, and his recommendation to SIZE and his preference. It's likely that he publishes those tiny cooking videos to the Internet. Didn't ask. So we go back to our first preference, the PEI oysters which were still smaller than the Prince Edward Island shells I expect, and the goodness inside was 1/3 of what you can get for the same price at any decent steak or seafood joint in Cleveland. So who is ZB getting his oysters from? Sam's Club. Maybe he and I should go on a oyster tour of Cleveland, and go to all the places that don't have the word in their name, then we can go to all of the places that do have it, and we'll compare. Hint: the former wins. At the same price.
In addition, somehow, possibly because it's in the Flats, this place also manages to lose the service, attentiveness, and friendliness that makes Chinato, L'Albatros, etc so inviting. So you've gone and paired the most impressive location and building, with the least accommodating staff, least appealing menu, and a mockery of an oyster bar into a bar with oyster in the name.
Like I said, Zack Bruell is bringing the tourist trap to you!
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