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| - I'm starting to wonder if anyone in Cleveland has ever actually had a good taco. I can't figure out any other reason why all of these taco places I'm trying out have 4-5 stars and sell these slapdash circles of cold garbage that are barely worth half a star. Why is everything in Cleveland in upside-down Bizarre-o World, huh? Is it possible that nobody but Midwestern tourists are reviewing the restaurants and breweries and businesses that pop up overnight, and since they're from towns where there's nothing but a Dairy Queen attached to a gas station and a Taco Bell Pizza Hut, they think it's A-plus #1 dining anytime they see a word on a menu they don't recognize? I don't know. That's probably it. I hope Bakersfield isn't *actually* deemed acceptable food by my fellow residents of this city.
Everything looks pretty good at this place. The combinations of ingredients on their tacos sound good, and as our waitress confirmed, corn tortillas are handmade in house. Sounds great! We ordered a few tacos, some queso dip, and I ordered a house margarita. The menu made a big deal about this margarita, all the "artisanal" keywords were there: hand squeezed, fresh lemon and lime, blah blah blah. What I got was a gunky Mason jar filled with a neon ooze that I'm pretty sure would turn a normal turtle into a Ninja Turtle. I'm not saying it was made with the $4.99 bottle of Jose Cuervo mix, but--wait, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. No good.
Queso dip arrived looking fabulous: beautiful lightly-toasted white cheese in a skillet tempted us. Then we dug in with our chips and the entire top layer of real cheese came away to reveal a gritty, cheese-flavored paste beneath. It was definitely some kind of take on Queso Blanco, but the ratio of flour to cheese was 50 parts flour, 1 part cheese-flavored powder. Clumpy, dumpy, and gross.
Tacos were similarly disappointing. No matter what you order for your filling (we tried 4 different tacos), it's all the same bland, stringy, flavorless mess. Fresh ingredients as toppings tasted fine, but the bases of the tacos were all prepared as if the cook was deathly afraid of using spices. Finally, the handmade corn tortillas were served ice cold, straight from the fridge, loaded down with warm filling, so when you picked them up and folded them around the filling to take a bite, the whole thing crackled and fell apart in a bunch of dry little bits. Would it kill you to heat up these tortillas you've spent the time to make by hand? I don't think it would.
Overall, Bakersfield would have some serious competition if a Chipotle with a patio opened up next door. Or if people realized you can just buy crappy tortillas and cheap margarita mix at the grocery store.
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