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| - I kept getting these promotional flyers in the mail with PERFECT people pictured on them. Perfect facility, perfect gym clothes(probably from Dick's), perfect bodies, and even perfect children being perfectly nutritious. It was a little creepy to me. In my head I just knew this gym had an invasion of the body snatchers and we were all going to be robots by time we got off the cardio machine.
I got over my delusions and decided to take a tour. When I walked inside my feelings were confirmed! Employees were looking polished wearing business attire, and talking from their clear plastic earpieces like they were the secret service. I was obviously judging. The girl at the front desk complemented me on my gym pants and had me fill out the usual waiver form. I sat in the cozy lobby while someone was getting a public massage near the offices. Wierd. A very tall, loud, punky Brewster-ish woman named Brooke came out to greet me. Her hair was long, curly, black and streaked blond in the front. She was sooo loud when she started talking and I immediately became annoyed. I couldn't pay attention to anything she was saying because she was so distracting from head to toe and I kept thinking, "Will it be rude to ask for someone else to give me the tour?" As we sat in her office, she went over the pros of being a member. She yelled loudly and spoke so damn quickly about why the gym was, "LIKE, SO TOTALLY AWESOME!!!" and "SO, LIKE, THIS IS ABOUT CHANGING YOUR LIFE, YOU KNOW!!!!" and "IT'S VERY, LIKE, EXCLUSIVE AND THE PLACE TO LIKE, BE!!!!!" all while ripping her chewing gum a new one! She took me around the facility and it was like Willy Wonka opened the gates to his Chocolate Factory! WOW! It was amazing! She started singing, "If you want to view paradise...simply look around and view it!"---just kidding. Haha.... Seriously, the tennis courts were large and spacious! I don't play tennis but why not reserve a court for fun! The exercise equipment was new and state of the art! I've never seen weight machines come with LCD screens that customize your workout! There's in/outdoor olympic size heated pools. It comes with everything EXCEPT Michael Phelps! I could see myself lounging outside in the cabana's during the summers! The (free)yoga and pilates(separate charge) rooms wasn't like your typical gym room. It looked private and super serious. It had the power to even make Brooke whisper while inside. Now that's supremecy! Inside there was even a Spa! Massages, nails, pedicures, laser hair removal, THE WORKS! (separate charge of course) The cafe had some yummy looking food too. Naturally everything was promoted as healthy, gluten-free, or calorie free. I looked around at the type of people at this "exclusive club". They weren't aliens! (I hope) They didn't look perfect at all like the flyers. They looked like everyday people you see at the grocery store. I was beginning to warm up to this place! Even Brooke was starting to grow on me and I liked her! Besides working out, I could see myself lounging on the balcony near the tennis court tables, in the hotel-like lobby, or the cafe READING A BOOK! (I know, I'm a dork)
So there was 3 things that completely SOLD me on this gym.
1. The Dry/Steam room: It literally looked like Heaven! This old lady came out and a whif of cloudy white Eucalyptus filled my nose. She was drenched and glowing! (Maybe it WAS Heaven!) Unfortunately there is NO COED sauna. Who wants to look at old naked ladies?
2. The locker room: One word: COMPLEMENTARY. Razors, tampons, shampoo, lotions, blow dryers at every mirror. Everything is sitting in a candy-like jar. I told you, Willy Wonka! Also, you use your membership card to create your own locker access code! (THE JETSONS, right?)
3. The Spa. I'm a DIY mani/pedi girl, but I love any kind of facial maintanance!
This isn't a gym, it's a resort! I loved how even though I wasn't a member, so many employees randomly said hello to me as if I was a celebrity. The majority of members appear over 40, which I love. No getting "crunk" at this club! It's so quiet and every machine seems available. I realize as I'm getting older, I like lesser crowds of people. Exclusive is a good word for this place. I plan on being a member soon---because this place is "LIKE, TOTALLY BITCHIN' !!!"
DISCLAIMER: I know you're not supposed to take photos in the locker room, but like a news reporter I went undercover with a wig and glasses for my yelpers and took photos when absolutely NO ONE was in the gym. I want everyone to see how amazing it is. Just call me April O'Neil! (TMNT)
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