Here's a suggestion.
Take the twenty-six dollars I just spent in your restaurant and go buy yourself a gd bbq cookbook!
Your food was so dry, salty and overall flavorless, it's hard to imagine you didn't set this place up to launder money or something because you sure-as-fuck can't cook.
In fact, if I'm not in the hospital or dead by this time tomorrow, it'll be a fucking Christmas miracle!
Holy shit, pass the tylenol!