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  • So how does one go about trying to capture the essence of their love/hate relationship with a Wal-Mart? Falling prices and the happy yellow smiling face aside, do you embrace the mascot for consumerism or come down on the side of price fixing and driving the supply market to third world countries? I will admit, there are times moral ethics take a back seat to getting a good deal and I will head on out to my local store. On those occasions, I can be guaranteed of a few things: 1) You will not ever find a parking spot anywhere near one of the entrances, so don't even bother with lot trolling. 2) Locating someone to answer a question is like searching for the Holy Grail. 3) At some point during your visit, you will have to step over a soiled diaper. 4) You will find a meat or dairy product tucked away in the hunting gear or automotive department. 5) You will become convinced that some parents have chosen the store as their babysitter and dropped their kids off at the door, leaving them to run screaming through the aisles, spreading terror wherever they go. 6) Your cart will either pull to one side, making it impossible to maintain a straight line OR will make a piercing shrill noise similar to that of a howler monkey. 7) They will be out of the one thing that made your visit imperative. 8) The clothing department will look like they were filming a scene for the movie Twister. 9) The customer service line will be snaked longer than an E-Ticket ride at Disneyland during spring break. (I believe this is a plot to lesson your likelihood to return items) 10) They will only have 3 checkout lanes open and the person in front of you will have selected the single item with no pricing information, requiring a price check (see #2) OR will not have enough money to pay for everything and will have to pare down their purchase. For those of you that are looking for BIG excitement, take a tour of this place at 11:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve. I promise you an experience you will never forget!
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