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| - Being the sun of an a beauty queen and raging meth addict I was often told three things. One, never fall asleep with a lit crack pipe. Two, Mommy's new friend is going to stay over and you need to sleep in the garage. Third, and most important, looks are everything. I have believed those things like some people believe in their religion, their children or their bartender...that is how much I believed. Religion gets you to drink poisoned cool-aid. Children are lying little snot monsters. Bartenders water down drinks and take an extra 10% when you just need a little release from the cute waitress with the terrible smokers cough...she says you're special...but you're not.
I never fell a sleep with a lit crack pipe...except those two times...and believe me...me and my 16 neighbors learned that lesson! Mommy may have new friends staying over, don't know...I left that trailer park a long time ago...the night 5 of her guy friends spent the night. I will always remember it...I just turned 8. Last, and certainly not least...I always believed that looks are everything. I left my first wife when she gained six pounds...pregnancy is no excuse. I left wife number 2 when I saw those horrible split ends. Wife number 3...lets not talk about that...but I have learned my mother is wrong. She was wrong about talc preventing herpes and about looks being everything...and Daddy Mac's taught me that.
I went to Daddy Mac's because my court appointed babysitter forced me to. He is an unyielding man. The kind of man that will punch a squirrel for running in his path. A cruel man. He had a coupon...a cheap man. We went. I was properly medicated (two shots of Nyquil and 4 ambien) or life would have been very different for all of us. The first thing that struck me was that the place is beautiful. It is really a great looking space. Red wals, classic photos, black stools, and a great looking stage. The bar was properly lit in that "look at me I am fancy" kind of way. Not unique...none of it was...it was a mishmash of weird Rat Pack era dreams. Okay...its cool...I have had dreams about rats...it's cool. My dreams were more original and classier.
Okay...so it looks good. So what...I am not eating the walls, not anymore...that lead paint may taste good but it really messes you up. First of all the food is over priced by at least 20% and if it was good I would still be pissed...but here is the second point...the food was awful. Ask yourself this...why do I love Rex so much? Then ask...is it hard to make a hamburger? Well, at Daddy Mac's it must be a really hard skill. The first time I got it the burger was well...I asked for medium rare...so Rex sends that crap back...and it comes back rare. So rare that when heated later on a hotplate in seedy motel room it was barely medium rare. The babysitter had the same problem. The onions were raw. There wasnt enough toppings. It was insane. Where was the care? Where was the love? Where was the effort? No where to be found. The fries were good. The tomato bisque was very good. The chicken salad with brie and apples was great on paper but not good when ordered. Cheap brie. The apples were mealy and the cook has no quality control.
With a coupon and head full of drugs this could be passable...but Rex warns you...don't go if you like food. Go if you like red walls. Go if you like pictures of the Rat Pack. Go if you don't care about quality. Order a tall glass of bleach and put yourself out of the misery your life must be.
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