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| - I had read a review by a friend of mine and was intrigued. At the least, it could only be the second worst thing I've ever had in my mouth.
Maui Dog is a quaint "beachside" place on Indian School, between 35th and 36th Streets. Surfer decor and a raw ceiling of asbestos and water stains create a charm not seen outside the area with the highest murder rate in Phoenix.
Trusting the counter girl, who was confused at my "aloha," she suggested a straight "Maui Dog" with Tater Tots and I also wanted to sample the "Spam Slider." I'm still not convinced it wasn't a sexual-act list she was offering me for $10. What a bargain THAT would be!
The dog is quite tasteless which allows for the mix of spicy chipotle mayo and the coconut-mango-pineapple dressing on top to take over...except for the large-ass bun masking that, too. The bun was bulky and dry and felt like it would revert to sawdust at any moment. I'm guessing it's authentic to the islands, where old hippies move to only discover toilet paper is $12 a roll.
The Spam Slider was a teaspoon of meat on a bun the size of my head and some island mix thrown on the top. I will not be ordering that again. Best advice...get the three-slider special and put all the meat and topping on one bun...and hollow out the bun...and still count on a lot of bread after that.
What was left of my tots, which weren't dropped on the filthy tray by "Shakes" the friendly waitress, who I believe had just sampled some Maui-Wowee out in the parking lot, were okay. Crispy but it's hard to ruin tots.
Get a "Shave Ice" for desert and ooze sticky sweat for two days. BTW - it's "Shave Ice" and not "Shaved Ice." If you'll excuse me, it's my day to shaved my "lower 48."
All in all, I'd go back!
The reviews are IN!
Yes, some people had opposing viewpoints and didn't agree with my review.
Kyle, who has not written any reviews, or most probably a legible sentence in his life, wrote me to say;
"in regards to your lude review i thaught the bread was great sweet but not overwhelming the spam sliders are awsome and need to be cut like that for flavor ratio.. as for the dogs very flavorfull i suggest just getting a plain beef brat or your choice and taste it own its own. and as the shaky waitress i dont know what to tell you maybe you expect to much fromm highschoolers this isnot flemings in dcranch the cealing once agian iv looked hard no asbestos..for one that wouldnt pass code and no water stains your vision might need to be tested and the highest murder rate i def know its not if you where a local or knew ne thing about phoenix youd know that tempe person if your going to write a review good or bad you shouldnt drag your imature ideals into it . by the way the girl at the desk is 16 pedophile" (sic)
Lizzie, who has also not written any reviews and who should not be allowed into a restaurant without a bag over her head...in fact, everyone in the restaurant should have one, too, in case her bag slips off, writes in a late-night, probably drunken message to me;
"You couldn't be a meaner person. I have been there many of times and know that everything you just said is completely false. I also am just curious how you can still sleep at night when you are such a mean person to others. Imagine what the waitress is thinking after reading that. You are an arrogant pig and I think you should find other hobbies other than being being a fucking asshole. Fuck you and goodnight."
As a professional writer, I welcome opposing opinions as long as people understand I'm entitled to my own. Good night and don't forget to tip your waitperson!
1-29-2012 - I see Maui Dogs is closed. I guess my review was spot on and the naysayers are full of... Maui Dogs! Never doubt my ability to spot a good meal or write the truth about a place. HA!
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