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| - Do you hear that? That's the sound of a failed franchise that's trying it's very best to tap out and leave this world, yet continues to be kept on life support against it's own will. Sbarro is an old war horse that's been through many brutal wars (read: bankruptcies) and has weathered many storms (read: ownership issues) It's worn, decrepit body doesn't even have the strength to beg for rest, let alone mercy.
Yet here I am, pitching in a few dollars towards the hospital bill to keep ol' Sbarro alive. Feels bad, man -- and that's not just the emptiness I feel after I eat. I feel something else too: GUILT. I've been contributing toward keeping flavorless, dry crust on the market, a crust that favors the flavor profile of cardboard than it does anything remotely related to pizza. I've helped a slice stay alive that manages to be a simultaneous two-punch body blow of soggy AND needing more sauce. Even with a heavy hand on the seasonings, the fact still remains: this is garbage.
She's dead, Jim. She's dead. Well, she should be anyway, and I pledge to finally stop being cruel to her -- and the rest of the marketplace.
It's time you rest now, Sbarro. You might be cold now, but you'll feel warm in a bit (just like your pizza.) Just close your eyes, and walk towards the light.
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