Little Caesar's, I hate to admit that one of your lame promotional tactics has worked on me, despite much resistance on my part. There is no way I'd ever pick up a phone, call you, and deliberately ask that you be in charge of dinner for the evening.
But when I'm already in your shopping center for other reasons and I know that neither my wife nor I feel like cooking dinner or going out on a Friday night, then your $5 Hot n' Ready pizza may just hit the spot. Let's just keep one thing straight: you will never be a mainstay for us, and if we ever invite you into our home, it's merely because we were desperate and you were cheap and available. Don't think that we'll ever like you for anything other than $5 pizza, because we won't. And after we've had our way with your cheap nastiness, we'll hide all the evidence and never tell anyone about it.
Thanks for being there for us, Hot n Ready menu! This is the one and only thing that makes Little Caesar's worthwhile.