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  • Though I have walked by (and dismissed) Päaeez many, many times, I finally penetrated this swanky den on Saturday night. I was not motivated by any new found "smooveness" but rather obligated by matters natalitial. Though it wasn't quite the slimy douche-fest I expected, most of my suspicions were confirmed. Päaeez (pie-EASE) is Persian for autumn, which might explain the red, ochre and brown palette of this lounge. The long and narrow space is lined with long sofas and dotted with ottomans for seating. I imagine the action escalates as you head deeper into the venue, and culminates in the Back Room where you will discover a DJ, well-dressed writhing bodies and my absence. I say "I imagine" because this place was quieter than a cotton ball rasslin' match. Only the first few tables were occupied and the rest of the bar was empty. This wasn't terrible for me as it meant expedient rounds and less nonsense, but enthusiasts of the scene might be disappointed at the lack of crowd. Since we weren't dancing we decided to smoke hookah instead. The flavours are tobacco-free and they have a pretty good selection. It's a mellow and aromatic smoke but without tobacco you'll be sucking air like a fiend. At $20 for two pucks of fire it's expensive, but it was plenty of smoking for me. Germaphobes take note: they give you these protective mouthpiece cones that we playfully dubbed "mouth condoms". That's kind of gross, now that I think about it. Interesting space but not really my scene. PAAEEZ out. Obligatory Title Pun: PAA before EEZ except after SHEE-sha. Menu Readability: Surprisingly elegant, actually. Need to mention: Pints are $6, cocktails around $12. What this place teaches me about myself: One should always regard with suspicion he with a preponderance of vowels.
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