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| - Paraphrasing the game Portal, the sushi is a lie.
Just to be clear, the words, "all you can eat" will never win me over. It doesn't matter if it's hot wings, crab legs, or sushi--especially if its sushi. Whenever on a business trip, I attempt to ensure that my few restaurant outings are worth my time. I research the options, limiting often to within reasonable reach of my hotel. Kiku appeared on the short list, revealing once again how unfortunately unreliable most restaurant review sites really are. It was so depressing that I made a point to attempt a second dinner that same night, pushing my digestive drive past warp nine, giving it all she's got...err, captain.
Kiku--honestly sounding like a photocopy machine company--didn't immediately advertise their "all you can eat" option...or the fact that it was the ONLY option. I saw a bar outside, but alas, there were no bar stools. I eventually found myself marooned in a strangely shaped booth second guessing my culinary choice when the waitress pulled out an iPad menu.
Ehhwhaaaaa?!
That's right, the entire menu was on iPad, and not just a PDF of options, but a wireless ordering system. I could surf through the options, select what I wanted, and transmit that to the kitchen, doing so as often as I liked. This was very similar to, but a lot cheaper than, Inamo in London, where the menu was displayed on your table via overhead projectors with a touch screen interface. That was amazing, very expensive looking. This was less so, but still worthy of admiration, especially so if married to a kitchen that took pride in their food. This was not the case, as nothing delivered matched their digital representations. Everything you see on their website or on their iPads is a falsehood. Returning to the opening sentence, the sushi is a lie.
Stepping back, and not in the psychological fashion, Kiku looked impressive, not offering the inkling at all that it's basically a Red Lobster. A gorgeous layout involving matching brown chairs with short backs running parallel with walls fashioned from crystal beads, add that with iPad ordering machines, and Kiku looks amazing. But then I was asked if I wanted the all you can eat option, "asking" being equated to "assuming". In truth, it was the only option. My instinct yelled at me to leave that very moment, as obviously I had made a dreadful mistake, but my flight or fight instincts were clearly not working. I fired off my first set of orders, a cone, a roll, and an assortment of nigiri. Nothing delivered resembled the photos, not by a longshot. There was no platting, no finesse of any kind. The rice was lazily assembled, leading to numerous disintegrations. The cone was half open, as was the roe sushi, the latter being an oddity as I didn't order one. I also ordered a surf clam nigiri that never arrived, meaning the order system is either not working properly or mistakes are being made in the kitchen.
The actual sushi really wasn't bad, but I found the lazy approach of their assembly insulting to the spirit of the craft. So I gave up and ordered something non-sushi. The delivered udon, along with everything else, was positively microscopic, though surprisingly tasty, a small spark in this depressing darkness, marred by one unfortunate fact...I didn't order udon; I ordered ramen. Sigh. Perhaps the dessert will do better, so I opted for a black & white moose which was served apparently in a shot glass. The waiter even commented as I got up to settle the bill, that I had only ordered one dessert, as most people get four or five.
Kiku is meant for rejects from the glutton role in the movie Se7en, wanting enough food to burst their stomach. Kiku is everything that's wrong sushi in North America, everything that sours its reputation. Admittedly, Kiku's fish wasn't bad, but everything else around it was. A year ago almost to the day, I was last in Toronto at this same region of town, so I know that three blocks down the road, there is Akasaka, a far superior sushi restaurant. At $24.50, the solitary price for "all you can eat", it's not even that good a deal. There's a similar place in my home town, which started promising, but got progressively worse. It's a natural side effect of these kinds of places--quality will always be a casually when quantity is all that matters.
Food: 2/5
Service: 2/5
Presentation: 1/5
Value: 2/5
Recommendation: 2/5
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