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| - I crossed the Ohio, and all I got was this so-so barbeque.
My plans for the day went awry, so I decided a nice scenic(?) drive up 65 sounded like an OK thing to do. I've also been fiending for good BBQ, so I figured I'd head over to Moon and try Selma's because of the mostly-great reviews here on Yelp.
Alas, I'm not quite as enthusiastic about my experience. First, if you're unfamiliar with Moon, Selma's is located across the street from a big Sheetz -- I initially missed their sign and ended up in the back of the airport. They've got plenty of parking available.
When I walked up to the door, I wasn't overwhelmed with the scent of hickory smoke. Not a good sign, but I was determined to eat some BBQ, so in I went. The gal at the counter was friendly, and I ordered the Junior Sampler (3 mini sandwiches and two sides, $13.99 at this writing) in the interests of variety. All for you, Yelpers, all for you. I got brisket, pulled pork and Alabama pulled chicken, along with mac and cheese and collard greens.
I hit up the sweet tea while I waited about five minutes for my food to be ready, and it's decent. They have chipped ice in the machine which cools it off admirably. They called my number and I picked up my platter o'meat, noticing that they gave me green beans rather than collards. At this point there was a decent line going so I just let it slide.
As I listened to The 700 Club playing on the large TV, I tucked in to the Alabama pulled chicken first. Alabama white BBQ sauce has a mayonnaise base and Selma's had a decent tang. The chicken wasn't drowned, just lightly coated, and was tender and moist with no gristle evident. Unfortunately, the smokey goodness I was after wasn't evident, either. It was tasty, but I could achieve about the same results with a rotisserie chicken from the store and my own sauce. The bun (same for all the junior sammiches) was a soft white bread, as it should be for BBQ. Well, if you ask me, it should.
At this point I paused to try the sides. The mac and cheese is pretty tasty and fairly standard, with little crusty bits of browned cheese goodness. The green beans were soft, squishy, and full of bacon. That's a good thing. Both were served so hot I burned my mouth; by contrast, the meats were all pretty much cold after thirty seconds.
Next, the pulled pork. The meat was melt-in-your-mouth moist, and had faint signs of a smoke ring, but again not a lot of smoke flavor developed. Also? No bark! The seasoned crust of a pork butt is, like, the best part. There weren't any bits of fat or gristle, either, so maybe they picked it all out for an even texture. If so, that's a shame, because the flavor was pretty bland. When I smoke pork butts at home, I don't usually bother with sauce until day four of leftovers. Here, I was hitting the sauce after just one bite.
About the sauces: The Kansas City was really not my favorite interpretation thereof; a bit too sweet and overwhelming although it does get points from me for not being heavy on the cloves. The Memphis Original and Hot were both good, with the Hot taking the lead. Carolina Vinegar was edible, whereas the Carolina Mustard (usually my favorite for pulled pork) was a little too thick, sweet and honey-mustard for my palate. The best ended up being the Texas Cowboy, which had a nice amount of heat and tang.
And so, on to the brisket. At this point I wasn't expecting that great hickory-smoked flavor I'd initially gone for, and my expectation proved correct. Like the chicken and pork, the beef brisket had wonderful texture but not a lot of flavor on its own. No bark, not much smoke, no gristle.
I'm not sure what's going on here. Was it all decent? Well, yeah, and if I had just gone in wanting tender meat I'd have been in hog heaven. But I wanted BBQ, and I didn't end up getting it. As I mentioned, all the meat was weirdly clean of any of the outlying textures that add up to great BBQ. It also tasted sort of like maybe they start it in a smoker and finish in the oven. Now, after meat hits a certain temperature, it stops absorbing the smoke, so that could work -- in theory -- but this stuff tasted like someone maybe waved a hickory twig in its general direction a few times and then let it go.
The sides I tried were good, but not amazing enough to make up for anything else. I appreciate the sheer variety of sauces available but none of them made me want to slather them all over... well, anything. The atmosphere was a little sterile; very bright and white and bigscreen TVs in each corner.
Would I go back? Probably not; there are too many other 'cue joints to check out, and I can smoke better butts and brisket at home. (Poultry doesn't even count; too easy.) I didn't try the ribs, but I'm not super inclined to do so now. This review may come across as being a little harsh, but BBQ is one of those things you've just got to nail for it to be good. Selma's didn't manage that. Alas.
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