| rev:text
| - I dislike the taste of coffee. In fact, I have a personal grudge against coffee, borne from hundreds if not thousands of days of my life left unseized and stuck in a foot-tapping purgatory while I waited for friends or family to "just have my coffee." I have no time nor sympathy for people who can't be civil or alert until they've wrapped two hands around their hot drug and swallowed repeatedly.
But, while Starbucks may enable the crankies, it also provides a cure for sour thoughts: its line of blended creme Frappuccinos. No coffee! Just treadmill-reckoning gulps of sweet, sweet milk and sugar and cream and (if you like) chocolate and oh my oh my.
So, I give Starbucks overall five stars. I understand why some dislike Starbucks, but from my side of the experience they're an innovative, civic-minded, customer-oriented company. (They even sent me a letter to not only remind me that I had a couple of bucks left on a gift card, but they offered to replace the card if I'd misplaced it, which I had. A new one arrived a few days after I put in my request on the website. Nice!)
Now let's talk about *this* Starbucks. Until recently, I would always have given them five stars. I always went through the drive-thru lane, and there they met my criteria: reasonably fast, accurate order, friendly disposition.
Eventually I stopped going to Starbucks as often, and when I did go, I'd go inside to the counter. (My car window has a problem.) Not as fast, but still friendly. Clean inside. Well designed. Still five stars.
Then a few weeks ago I went in to hang out for awhile while my husband was at the dentist a few doors down. There I encountered a type of Starbucks employee that I call "Mocha-Visioned Creme Deniers."
(Yeah, I'll work on something catchier.)
I've encountered this type of Starbucks person only a few times before, but this time was surely the worst.
I asked for the "Salted Caramel Chocolate Creme" Frap. She repeated, "Salted Caramel Mocha." I politely said, "No, the Salted Caramel Chocolate, Not the Mocha." "Mocha *IS* Chocolate," she said back, grumpy with my ignorance.
Oh God. I've been to this argument before.
"Yes" (I conceded, even though she was wrong), "but I want the Salted Caramel Chocolate, the blended creme drink WITHOUT the coffee, NOT the Salted Caramel Mocha, which has coffee" I remained polite, pointing at the two different menu items behind her.
"Mocha *IS* Chocolate."
"Then why are these two different menu items?"
"Mocha *IS* Chocolate." (Seriously.)
"Fine. I just don't want coffee. I don't like coffee. I just want the blended creme drink with chocolate, not with any coffee."
She said okay and wrote "SCMF" on the cup.
After I picked up my Frap, I sat down. I laid out my papers to grade. I took a sip. I gathered my papers. I walked out to the dentist. My husband was still in the waiting room. "Drink this." "I don't want to." "Mike, I just had to have the Mocha/Chocolate argument with a Starbucks employee again."
He sipped.
"Ugh! Coffee!"
I went back to Starbucks. "Look, I just went two doors down to ask my husband to be my witness, and there is DEFINITELY coffee in this."
The woman looked at the cup with irritation. "Yes, that's what you ordered."
"No, I specifically told you Salted Caramel Chocolate Creme, and you just kept saying Salted Caramel Mocha. I kept correcting you. I asked why Starbucks doesn't call it mocha on the menu. I asked you to make sure there wasn't coffee in my drink. But you just kept ignoring what I was trying to very logically explain, and you just kept repeating, 'Mocha *IS* Chocolate'!"
Yes, I may have lost my **** a little.
Maybe I'm just hoping to get a sitcom deal, with Larry David in drag as me. We'll call it "First World Rage!"
The barista who'd actually made the drink was beyond apologetic and started making me what I actually ordered, and immediately I started reassuring him to the hundredth power that mistakes happen, that I really appreciated his help, everything was fine, thank you, etc. (I hate confrontations. I love solutions.)
The counter woman, looking a bit cornered now, took up the barista's lead and said, "Oh, and we won't charge you for the new drink."
Yes, she did.
"That's right!" I replied. She at least had the grace to look busy elsewhere.
I always appreciate an establishment that knows how to right a wrong. However, what if next time the really nice guy isn't there to make things better, and the woman at the counter on my visit has to take care of the problem? Until she's gone, this cannot remain a five-star Starbucks.
Note to all Starbucks: this is the third time that I've had the surreal "Mocha *is* chocolate!" debate with an employee who couldn't understand the literal words "I don't like coffee. I only want a creme-based drink." Refresher training is suggested. As for this Starbucks, I don't think training can fix an anti-customer personality. Doesn't anyone else need her job?
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