| rev:text
| - This gets 3 stars, like all mediocre down-home, corporate, American bar & grills. The chicken strips, like those at Friday's and Cheddar's and Chili's and Bennigan's and whatever the hell else (+ 's), are reasonably good and the honey mustard dipping sauce has just the right amount of high fructose corn syrup.
The reason I'm reviewing this place, however, is not to heap another three-star review onto Applebee's long tradition of receiving three-star reviews. My motive, like that of so many other Yelpers, is to tell a strange personal story.
We went here for Smacko's 21st birthday party. For this monumental day -- indeed, the date that will probably always be the most relevant for his life -- Smacko decided to steal my idea and do a family restaurant barcrawl. A family restaurant barcrawl works like a barcrawl, except that you only hit the bars of family restaurants. Champaign's strange microcosm of a suburb, North Prospect Ave, was the site of this 7PM debauchery.
We hit all the staples: Ruby Tuesday's, O'Charley's, Red Lobster (which has a special place in my heart for not ending in apostrophe ess), etc. Applebee's was, as usual, a forgettable portion of the evening (thus receiving a 3 star even when only being compared to his mediocre peers; this is truly a homogeneous group of depressing dead-ends where dreams go to die). We were kicked out of Red Lobster for being a drunken disturbance, after which someone began vomiting in their bushes. Ruby Tuesday's, on the other hand, was a beautiful experience. Not only were we allowed to stay and create chaos; the manager actually brought us an array of appetizers for free -- salty, of course, for they were brought to keep us drinking over-priced long islands.
So, to summarize: if you ever plan to get drunk in the early evening at a bunch of generic family restaurants, all of which probably serve chicken fettuccine, be sure not to exclude Applebee's, because nothing is more generic than that.
EDIT: oh wait, i guess it wasn't entirely forgettable for everyone. Spritz, upon reading this review, gave me the following addendum:
Spritz: You neglected to talk about Ducky projectile in the stall
and then I was peeing in the stall next to him
Kyle: didn't hear this one rofl
Ryan: and all of a sudden I see liquid coming from Ducky's stall
and I was like "Shit, Ducky puked you puking on the floor?"
and then Smacko yelled from by the urinal "NO DUDE IM PISSING ON IT THO"
Kyle: lolol
Ryan: That was in Applebee's
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