| rev:text
| - Fascinations was my first and most awkward experience with a sex shop. By the way, I am going to assume that since you are reading reviews of sex shops that you will not be offended by anything I say. Don't act so righteous, you're the one reading this after all.
I was the first of my friends to turn 18 and what was the number one priority after celebrating my birthday, buying porn. So, my two best friends and I ditch school, first period to be exact, and drive on over to Fascinations. You have to understand that back then (I sound like I'm old and knowledgeable) we didn't look up a ton of weird crap on the internet, we didn't even have text messaging yet. I think I had the first generation iMac G3 at this time, you know, the all-in-one design that came in bright colors like sea blue, orange, and green. The only porn I'd seen at that point in my life had either been accidentally found in the false drawer of my mothers jewelry stand or belonged to one of my guy friends. I think that is the way it should be, it shouldn't be so damn easy for kids today. They should have to experience their awkward first trip alone to to buy porn too.
We pull into the parking lot and it's only about 8am, so the place is deserted. I turn to my friends and tell them how going to Fascinations at 8am on a Monday is going to make me look like a weirdo pervert to the store's employees. They provide the good rationale that the employees are weirdo perverts already and so it will just help me to fit in. I bravely get out of the car and sauntered up to the front door, praying that I would not run into anybody I know on the inside.
Once inside, the place seemed dingy and outdated. I had no idea what to do with myself. What should or shouldn't I look at? It was so overwhelming. I finally found what looked like movies, only they seemed to be so much more expensive than Blockbuster. I didn't have enough cash and I was not putting this on my card. I was afraid that somewhere someone was keeping track of everything I bought and I didn't want to look like a perv, can you say paranoid? So, I went back outside and told my friends that if they wanted porn they needed to cough up some more cash.
Back inside, I wondered aimlessly around too embarrassed to look directly at the porn. That makes it hard to figure out what you're going to buy. I decided I needed some help. I actually asked the guy behind the counter if they had any porn on sale. I'm sorry, but at 18 the cost of those movies was a bit much and I was supposed to buy a couple of them. He suggested two movies and I didn't even look to see what they were, I just said I would take them.
Fast forward to my friends and me eating lunch, yes we stopped to get lunch, while we popped in the first tape. It slowly starts to get weird from here as I realized that I bought a tape of just one guy fingering his own butt-hole for like an hour. My friends never let me live that one down, one even mentioned it in my yearbook. Gee, thanks.
So, boo to the Fascinations employee who totally screwed me on purpose. You took advantage of my naivete, you jerk! It was pretty funny considering the other movie he suggested was a gay porn. My friends vowed to never let me pick out porn again. Well, good riddance, do your own dirty work.
I should let you know that I went back to Fascinations when my best friend got married in order to embarrass her with all sorts of penis themed party favors. They have a great bachelorette section full of condom veils, penis straws, penis cups, penis shaped baking pans, penis shaped pasta... well, basically penis shaped anything you can imagine.
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