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| - Hurr Hurr Hurr. I think Brassaii has lost the plot. Actually, I'm not sure they ever had the plot in the first place judging by how downhill things have went since they've opened. The saddest thing about this place is their business model seems to rely on inconsistency, hiring staff who have no clue or appreciation for providing decent customer service and hiring guest DJ's with thumbs up their butts - seriously, it was one of the WORST DJ sets I have ever experienced in my life, and I am a pretty reasonable and open minded person when it comes to music. I wish I knew who you were so I could shame you into giving up your career as a DJ, cause gawd you suck so bad buddy. NOBODY was dancing on the floor, like, it was hella awkward. Is the fact that no one dances to your mixing or song choices perhaps a clue as to how BAD YOU ARE AT WHAT YOU DO. Just go home DJ, go home and never come back. Go to DJ school or something. Shit.
As for the folks that just love it here or have had a wonderful experience, congrats to you. You either experienced Brassaii on a VERY GOOD Day/Night, can't tell what good taste is from a hole in the ground filled with horse shit, or are are too busy molesting people with your DIRTY DIRTY eyes or grabby hands, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
On that fateful night, we slide up to the rope, wait a few minutes, get let in, pay cover and slink our way to the dance floor. Despite being rainy and cold that night, there was no coat check; I had to stash my umbrella in a hidden dark spot and hope no one would jack it. It was also totally packed and coat check probably would have made a decent amount of money regardless. So, no coat check on your busiest week night is a dumb ass policy.
So we carve out a spot on the dance floor wait for the DJ to play something good. We wait. And wait, and it eventually gets to a point where I want to tear the skin off my face because this guy's set is so bad. He plays Fat Lip by Sum41. This fucking DJ plays Mall Punk at an "upscale" club. ARE YOU FOR REAL. And Immediately I am off it. Then the DJ plays Dark Horse by Katy Perry, which is kinda a shite song to dance to? What are you gonna do? Keep dipping low for the whole song cause its to damn slow to get any rhythm going? And after about 40 seconds of Dark Horse, he drops the bass. Aw cool, thanks guy. He plays the danceable part of this song and then switches right over to oldies song...that you also can't dance to. And then he drops the bass for 30 seconds, and then switches to the next song. Like jesus christ, not only does this git have horrible taste in music, he can't mix for HIS LIFE.
Dear Brassaii, please take the money you paid to this DJ, and instead, donate it to your local DJ school for underpriviledged children, so Toronto does not have to deal with dirkweeds like the DJ you hired to spin on June 11th 2014. The world would be a better place.
My pal and I reached such a level of disgust that we just wanted to express our disappointment. So my friend approached a bouncer and asked to speak to a manager, he said to "send an e-mail" which is basically a wave off. Cool, thanks guy. So we walk around and find another bouncer and ask to speak to a manager. After some waiting we are told that the 3 managers on duty are all "currently unavailable" - code phrase for "no one actually cares about what you think buzz off." So as a consolation prize, they get us the ~Head Hostess~ who for the record SUCKS AT HER JOB. My friend is pretty articulate and expressed her disdain for paying 10 dollars cover to stand around and witness a DJ suck at his job. And all the hostess could muster up is what she learned at HOSTESS SCHOOL, because she repeated this by rote "Well I'm sorry you feel that way." Uh huh, we are sorry we feel this way too, can you please do something about it? Isn't that part of your job? But she kept going on and on about how sorry she was we felt that way. SNORE. She could have at least pretended to care, or perhaps say she would make sure to mention it to her manager. At least act as if customer complaints matter, even in the slightest. It would be miles above what happened. But no, this hostess kept looking up (likely into her empty brain to PERHAPS come up with something useful to say) and what we got was :
Hostess: "Well, um, like...did you read the flyer for the event? The DJ is as advertised."
Who. The. Fuck. looks at flyers for events at clubs and is like "OH DAMN, DJ SHIT AND STICKS IS PLAYING BRASSAII, WE GOTZ TO GO PLAYA. GRAB YO PLAYBOIS AND LETS HIT UP THE CLUB.
What's listed on the flyer is irrelevant. You hired an incompetent person to play music. No one looks at flyers. PUHLEASE.
Hostess: "Well I think you are wrong about the DJ. I think he is great."
Ahahahahahahaha. Aw Christ. I. Can't. Even.
In conclusion: Brassai is run and staffed by people with thumbs up their bung-holes that think you are wrong about YOUR OWN NEGATIVE experiences at their establishment. Lolz
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