| rev:text
| - =Jetta is a real person, not a childhood memory waiting to be parodied for comedic effect to lend humor to an otherwise worthless review. Don't worry though, we found one.=
JETTA
When my professor said we needed Japanese sumi-e brushes and ink for our class, I freaked out a little.
SKELETOR
I would have incinerated the blasted fool! Just watch him try to charge me a lab fee and insist I bring in my own supplies!
JETTA
I had never even heard of this stuff, let alone know where to find it. Everyone suggested I get it online, but I couldn't risk showing up for class without them because of a shipping delay.
SKELETOR
Shipping!? Have your minions raid their warehouses!
JETTA
Somebody suggested Arizona Art Supply, and I was really surprised to see their selection and reasonable prices. I found my brushes and ink, and even one of those crazy multi-colored pencils. The staff was very helpful, especially the manager. She might've been the owner. I don't know.
SKELETOR
Who needs customer service when you've got a staff that shoots...I think it's magic?
JETTA
Since I brought my class syllabus, I got a discount and a free portfolio, which they retrieved from back since they ran out of promotional ones.
SKELETOR
I have a portfolio for all of my doodles. It was fashioned out of the hides of my enemies!
JETTA
Will you cut it out? I'm trying to do a testimonial.
SKELETOR
"Cut it out?" Who do you think you are? Dave Coulier? I'm fucking Skeletor, The Evil Lord of Destruction! You know what happened to the last person who told me to "cut it out"? I heat him to death with his own skull!
JETTA
If you don't mind, I'm trying to do a real review for once.
SKELETOR
You? Real review? Ha! I'll believe that when I see Prince Adam and He-Man in the same room.
JETTA
He-Man was a bitch. She-Ra was way better.
SKELETOR
Why are you visiting art supply stores, anyway? I always thought you were more of a "performing arts" type.
JETTA
My advisor said it would be good to expand my horizons.
SKELETOR
See? This is why you'd make a horrible arch-villain! "My advisor told me this, my advisor told me that..." Screw your advisor! She's a pencil-pushing simpleton! Hang her from a cage over a bottomless abyss! Cast a curse upon her and her family! CHRIST! I don't need this. I fought the Masters of the Universe!
JETTA
Hey, while you're here, just between us, can I ask you a question? Are you a lich?
SKELETOR
A lich?
JETTA
You know, the whole skull-head thing you got going on. I thought maybe you were a lich.
SKELETOR
Fool, I am an evil genius, not some Dungeons and Dragons monster. I'm outta here. I got lunch with Megatron at the titty bar.
JETTA
Right. So. Arizona Art Supply. Good wares and 'mom and pop shop' customer service with discount prices. If you need art supplies, you should go there, and not just because, you know, it's "local". Although you should always shop locally, when you can. Places like Wal-Mart ruin local businesses, and bring nothing but misery and poverty wherever they go. Hey, where are you going? I'm not done. No, wait, I'm not--- BEWARE! THE SHOPOCALYPSE IS UPON US! BARGAIN BUYERS, REPENT!
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