| rev:text
| - Coffee pretentious it should be called! It's laughable today because I had time to soak in the absurdity and price tag that came with my visit to coffee proper. It was after 7 pm on a Friday and the men working with their wild awesome beards gave me a hello as I walk in and I thought okay this place looks cool, I've been wanting to stop in for awhile now and they carry my paleo friendly "treats"that I thought this place is going to be my new Mecca. I was wrong, so so wrong. This very NYC mixed with Seattle'esque barista was cute and looked so promising and his glorious beard made me think that this dude knows what the f he is doing....
As the hipsterish/emo/cavemenesque barista with blank stare asks me what I would like I order a double espresso for my husband who was in the car waiting as I stopped in. I wanted to like him because that beard was well awesome. I wanted to order a coffee with coconut milk or heavy cream as I am paleo and can't have dairy. He proceeds to weirdly state that HE (the barista god) has made the exception of just carrying whole, grass fed, cow milk and that they too are a Paleo place and understood why I was asking and again as I'm telling him I don't do dairy-I ask so no pure coconut milk? He again says 3 haunting words "grass fed milk". You are paleo friendly yet only carry dairy? This made no sense to me. What about the individuals who are vegan or lactose intolerant? Do you force them to drink grass fed cow milk latte's because you don't want to carry another option and made an exception to only this glorious grass fed milk? I was annoyed, that beard was looking less godly by the millisecond.
What about Kalhona grass fed cow organic pure heavy cream? One of the best creams on the market that I love so dearly? I see you carry epic bars, Jackson honest chips (which they marked up $2 a bag from retail btw) and primal chocolate bars but no other "milk option". I started regretting ordering that espresso...
The espresso. He proceeds to ask me which bean I would like, I said this is for hubby in the car who is staying with our daughter, so whatever he feels is the best espresso (I don't drink espresso's) and that my husband knows, breathes and lives his espresso's. He tells me again he will "make an exception" and serve it in a to go cup because he would rather not do that and I said okay thanks? What if I was running to a meeting or a yoga class and I wanted my espresso to go? Will you force me to order it for there and stand over me as you watch me drink it while your beard cascades in front of my face? I am a $30 paying customer and if i want it to go damnit you better give it to me to go...So freakin weird...he is starting to creep me out, and obviously the to go espresso messes up his barista powers and gasp might ruin the espresso (which sucked btw) I tell him the hubby travels the world literally for work and he has tasted the finest espresso's from Italy to Singapore to Vietnam etc..so whatever he feels is best make him that-you my friend are the expert correct? I am hopeful. I stock up on my way overpriced marked up goodies I kinda needed and $30 later I'm out the door with the espresso and shamed that I literally spent that much on 2 bags of chips, 2 epic bars primal chocolate and that damn espresso..
The moment of truth, hubby gets the espresso and as I am there so proud that he is going to taste the best espresso ever (ummm beard made it) tastes it and literally not kidding spoiled up his face spit it out in the cup and was like WTF is this! He was so pissed he was about to go inside and freak out on my bearded barista. I talked him out of it. Like I said before you can't pull the "oh this is a bean from wherever and it's slowly roasted at this temp to give it this luxurious crema and taste on the palate" BS. He knows his espresso-trust me and his well travelled palate. I tasted it and almost gagged myself it was like drinking a straight shot of vinegar and I thought maybe this espresso bean is supposed to taste like? Nope. It was so incredibly bitter and acidic and not in a good way at all hubby says in all his time he has NEVER tasted one so unpalatable. The entire car ride home he was livid about me paying that much for crap, tossed it out the window and called the place to speak with the barista-luckily no answer.
My husband the calm loving real espresso drinker was about to call the bearded dragon and freak out on him for ruining his precious palate. Laughing, I told him about my experience in the shop and we laughed so much at how we have travelled to the greatest barista coffee shops in the world and in the US and this was the most pretentious shop with the most pretentious barista who "obviously"knows his espresso which sucked.
Oh and btw fantastic bearded gent we will not be stopping back to try your African/Ethiopian blended espresso you wanted me to recommend to hubby he will get a real one when he visits that country
|
![[RDF Data]](/fct/images/sw-rdf-blue.png)
![[cxml]](/fct/images/cxml_doc.png)
![[csv]](/fct/images/csv_doc.png)
![[text]](/fct/images/ntriples_doc.png)
![[turtle]](/fct/images/n3turtle_doc.png)
![[ld+json]](/fct/images/jsonld_doc.png)
![[rdf+json]](/fct/images/json_doc.png)
![[rdf+xml]](/fct/images/xml_doc.png)
![[atom+xml]](/fct/images/atom_doc.png)
![[html]](/fct/images/html_doc.png)