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| - I have mixed feelings when it comes to Allcare. Some positives, some negatives, some inconclusive results.....and I'm not just talking about my HIV test, I'm talking about their service as well.
Lets start from the beginning, shall we?
It all started when I decided to go hike Camelback after work. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Get some exercise, get some fresh air, great views, and it would also make me not feel so bad 5 hours later, when I'm blacked out drunk asking the friendly Mexican guy at Los Betos to go ahead and deep fry my burrito and add some extra guacamole and yes I would like french fries stuffed into it. I earned that damit! (On a side note, if you've never had a deep fried burrito from Los Betos go do your self a favor and get one. It will take a minimum of 7 years off of your life but most of you who are reading this review live in Scottsdale, so you don't have much to live for anyways)
But oh how the fool got fooled. When I got to the mountain there was already an ambulance on its way out and several cop cars. They had the entrance blocked off and were getting ready to open the gates. It seems I got there shortly after someone just plummeted from the mountain. That's what I call a good start.
On my way down the mountain, I successfully avoided plummeting to the ground which left me to already having a better day than my predecessor. Then, the unthinkable happened. Life altering unthinkable. For those of you who follow local news, no the unthinkable does not mean some strange man came out of the bushes and took my innocence from me just like some unfortunate kids in the grand canyon this past week.
What happened to me was far worse.......a bee, stung, my finger. It seems that the bushy Jew fro that rested on top of my head resembled a nest seen through the eyes of Mr. Asshole the Bee. I knew my hair was bushy but a bee hive!?!?!?! Come on. Maybe it wasn't the Jew Fro the bee was after but just the Jew. Is it possible? Have I found the worlds first antisemitic bee? No, of course not. That is a ridiculous statement. There have been plenty of reported cases of anti Semites already occurring before this bee stung my finger. Mr. Asshole the Bee probably wasn't anti semitic in his early days anyways. He is a classic case of all those bees who watched "The Passion of the Christ" and decided to reinvigorate their hatred for Jews, thanks Mel for the bee sting.
Wait a minute. What the hell am I talking about? Is this a review for an urgent care center? I think it is. Although the 250 words of text wold beg the differ. Let me get back on track.
I've never had an allergic reaction to a bee sting before. Simultaneously, I've never been stung by a bee whose hatred for Jews surpasses most neo nazis. So by the time I awoke the next day, my pointer finger was pretty swollen. At this point in time, I'm ok with the amount of swelling that has taken place. I'd figure I will just take some benedryl, have a great excuse for why I'm not being productive at work, and call it a day.
Now the next day is when shit started to hit the fan. (Side note, that figure of speech is actually quite disgusting if you think about it. There is no way you'd ever catch me in a room with feces flying everywhere. No way man. No way)
By this point, my pointer finger has nearly doubled in size. My middle finger has started to swell up and the top part of my hand looked inflated as well. Ummm, I think it's time to go see someone and have them fix it.
Now to all of the loose women reading this review, I know when you hear me mention the doubling in size of my finger, the extra girth, the added length and the extra thinkness......you think, why in the world would he perceive that as a problem? Well you crazy sluts it was a problem, and I had to fix it.
I arrived at this Urgent Care and it was time to get down to business. "Hello sir what seems to be the problem?" I'm glad you asked me my fine lady, let me direct your attention to my E.T. the extra terrestrial finger. That would be the problem.
The PA who help me was perfect. She suggested that I was going to have to get a couple of shots but she wanted the Doctor's opinion before she went ahead with them. The Doctor came in, did her diagnosis, and then left. The PA now told me I was going to get a different kind of shot and she would be back with it.
Now this is when it starts to get good. A male nurse comes in the room and tells me he's gonna give me a xyz shot. I'm like, alright buddy, lets do it. So the natural next words that come out of his mouth were, "loosen your pants down a little, this shot is going in your rear end."
Simple enough.
But what I heard was, "Pull down your pants, bend over, make some room because the mother f**king airplane is coming, and it's going straight in your butt!"
(I have reached my limit of how much I can write on this review. I'll finish it at a later date. Very productive afternoon Scott...)
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