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  • Hip, sleek, combed with ice sculptures. The Minus 5 sounds like an indie rock band that would play at Coachella. But no, it's an ice lounge that is spiked with high prices, serves exclusively vodka, and sports a staff of bartenders that are so high in energy I wonder if they have an IV of Red Bull hooked up to them. When you enter Minus 5, they give you boots, gloves, and a fluffy sweater. After I threw all of the aforementioned items on, I felt like Kurt Russell in "The Thing." They also clip your wings by taking your camera away from you. Minus 5 employs a professional shutterbug that takes pictures for your convenience - or lack thereof - since he often treats the customers like a marionette. "Try this move!" "Get in front of this!" "Make a growly face like you're a kodiak bear in heat!" Dude, I just want to drink my vodka cocktail with its seven adjective name. Beat it. I enjoy Minus 5 because there's always one old person who suits up in a feathery coat, roams over to an ice bench, and begins to let their eyelids close. I don't know if this means they're relaxed or dying from the temperature in the room. I also like the fact that everything is basically made out of ice. It's like "The Day After Tomorrow" cosplay. Minus 5 is pretty fun, kitschy, moderately expensive. It's one of those, "I did this once, but I have no desire to do it again" things. Like visiting the world's biggest ball of yarn or drunkenly making out with someone you feel indifferently about.
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