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| - Before you read this review, I strongly recommend that you visit the hotel website at http://www.mondrianscottsdale.com. Looks pretty cool, doesn't it? Now, forget everything you just saw and keep reading.
When I booked this hotel on Priceline for my annual spring training trip, I was extremely excited. It looked as though for $86 a night + tax, I was going to stay at a 4-star hotel similar to one of the W Hotels. In reality, what I got was a remodeled Holiday Inn Express, more pretentious than a house of a young rapper whose album just went double platinum and more tasteless than, well, a house of a young rapper whose album just went double platinum. As my friend eloquently put it, "pig with lipstick."
We arrived at the hotel around 8 pm, and 2 valets dressed in white linen shirts and pants approached us. White is the theme here. EVERYTHING is white. We walked up the stairs into the lobby, which looked like . . . well, the place where alabaster goes to die. Ambient lighting revealed alabaster chairs, alabaster clouds hanging from the ceiling, alabaster sheep covered with fake wool and alabaster lamps, adorned with women's derrieres holding up the base. WOW.
We walked through the white sheer curtains into the front desk area. The two male clerks at the desk were sporting the Euro trash look with great panache. Too much product in their hair, and too much chest hair peeking through the unbuttoned shirt collars. While their voices said "Welcome to Mondrian," the inflection in their voices said "You have no idea how lucky you are that I am talking to you." I was being helped by a woman, presumably a manager, who looked like Tawny Kitaen from Whitesnake. "Here I go again on my own . . ." Didn't she beat up her husband, pitcher Chuck Finley, with a stiletto heeled shoe? Sorry, there's nothing funny about domestic violence.
Throughout the whole check-in process, no one bothered to ask us about our room preferences, number of beds or any other questions you expect to be asked at a decent hotel. They were more concerned about getting us out of there, while informing us that parking cost $10 a night.
We drove around the corner to our building. The hotel is shaped like a giant "U" with a long, narrow pool in the courtyard in the middle. Each building is three stories high, keeping up with a Holiday Inn Express tradition. The only difference was, it was painted white.
We got to our room, where everything was, well, WHITE with navy blue accents. Cottage cheese ceiling reminded guests of the building's 2.5-star past, but cottage cheese walls were masterfully covered by pleated sheer curtains to remind guests of the hotel's 4-star aspirations. A giant flat screen TV looked almost too modern, but it was still my favorite item in the room. Clear plastic Kartell chair and nightstand went well with the decor. Big queen size beds were very comfortable. The closet door swung open when one least expected it, partially blocking the entrance. Fire safety FAIL.
The bathroom looked fine, but not luxurious. The sliding door was a space saver, but didn't have a lock. The accent navy blue wall housed 12 hooks - a simple, yet impractical organizer system. We were given one bar of soap. Even 2-star hotels give you two: one for your face, and one for your body. We asked housekeeping for more, and they brought us 2 more bars right away. We didn't see new soap for the rest of our stay. On the bright side, however, the soap was imported from Greece. Is Athens the soap capital of the world? What's wrong with Ivory soap? Not once did housekeeping manage to get us the right number of towels. It was strange to have to request more on a daily basis.
Everything in this hotel was a la carte. I am not complaining about the ultra-expensive minibar, which, by the way, included a cap and a pair of flip flops with the Mondrian logo. I can understand why a can of soda in the minibar is $5. I can also accept that a breakfast burrito by the pool (a very nice pool, might I add) costs you $17 + 20% gratuity + $3.50 service charge = $24. However, a hotel music compilation CD for $25, a bottle of Voss for $8 or a bottle of starch for all your ironing needs for $2.50? Who charges for a crappy hotel CD or starch? A hotel should be cheap or pretentious, but not both.
The hotel is located within walking distance from Scottsdale Stadium and Old Town Scottsdale, so I would probably stay here again if the price were right. However, I will definitely lower my expectations for next time, and I strongly recommend you do the same.
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