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| - It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention. As I recline in a big, plush leather recliner and watch James Bond womanize, I wonder if anyone actually needs this. If this is an actual necessity on any scale.
The movie theater has, on a general level, long been a temple of decadence. Families paddle by on a hot dog bun kayak in a river of Mountain Dew. Various paternal figures grumble about pricing and needing to butter their own popcorn. If there is any actual struggle in these walls, the perspective on it has been lost long ago.
But listen to me take my haughty tone. I also am miffed at the inability to butter the stupid popcorn halfway through without eating half of the stupid popcorn and getting up partway through the stupid movie and then I have to get into the stupid hot dog bun kayak and paddle up the stupid Mountain Dew river and hope not to run into any stupid chicken-finger wielding child bandits. All so I can put more fake butter on my (likely also fake) popcorn. So consider that a lack of perspective on my part: I wish the makers of the popcorn would butter it when making it so I could move less.
Going into a theater has that effect on people, I think. A kind of slovenly peer pressure sets in. Whoever moves least is relaxing most. If someone in your aisle gets up and you have to adjust your legs then they're just the worst. Your legs were in the perfect spot until dopey Jane decided she needed more Dr. Pepper (which is very much like dummy Jane). And now what? Now you have to get all resituated with the discomfort in knowing that idiot Jane will be returning, oh yes, and she'll disturb your comfortable lower body again. In the movies theater this is A BIG OBNOXIOUS DEAL.
It is a BIG OBNOXIOUS DEAL that "the prices just keep getting higher, I'll tell ya." It is a BIG OBNOXIOUS DEAL that "oh now they do ads and movie previews I remember when it was just a few previews and then on with the show but everyone wants to sell ya somethin these days." It is a BIG OBNOXIOUS DEAL that "they want you to buy all your tickets on this little machine now and you know I don't see so good and where does the credit card even go? Do you slide it this way? Jim? Jim, you do slide it this way?"
Go to AMC Fitchburg. Enjoy the Mountain Dew river and the hot dog bun kayaks and the wilderness of overblown conveniences. May your travels be safe and may dummy Jane get an adequate amount of Dr. Pepper the first time to spare your lower body.
Dope recliners, though.
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