I'm one of two customers sitting in the pub. The only waitress/bartender has now been making a personal phone call outside for the last five minutes. She has taken away my plate, etc, but has not brought the bill. It's been about 15 minutes. Now I'm so curious about how long it'll last that I'm gonna continue to say nothing. The food's okay.
Edit: So it's been another 15 minutes since I initially posted. Just to make it clear, there is absolutely nothing on the table in front of me.