This is so embarrassing. Possibly more embarrassing than writing multiple reviews of different Chipotle locations, but not quite. In any case, I totally got the location wrong. This is not the transcendental Chipotle I once ate at (which is also located in Middleburg Heights). I know this because I ate here again (yes, I, like all great food critics, revisit the restaurants I critique to ensure an honest opinion to my readers).
I am going to find that other one and then I will delete the aforementioned review from this Chipotle and attach it to the correct Chipotle. This is either going to do amazing things for my Yelp integrity, or totally destroy it because I am running around trying Chipotles weekly.